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Final Nom Noms

My husband and I were watching some old episodes of Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations the other day, and on one of his visits he asked his hosts what they would choose as their last meal.  It’s a question that’s always interested me; it gets addressed on movies and television shows, generally around the same time that the person being asked is also told when they will be sentenced to death at the hands of the state where they are incarcerated.  It’s a difficult question, but one I thought would be fun to answer.  Unfortunately, my last meal would have way too many parts.

1.  Hash browns from Waffle House; scattered, smothered, covered and chunked.  That is, scattered on the grill, smothered in onions, covered in cheese, and chunked with ham.  They are absolutely mouth watering.  Yeah, I get that they’re cheap and they’re from a place a lot of people consider to be below them as far as dining establishments go, but you honestly can’t get better than greasy Waffle House hash browns.

2.  Asparagus covered in crab meat and hollandaise sauce from the Homestretch Steakhouse in the Hoosier Park Racing and Casino, Anderson, Indiana.  I went here for the first time with my husband and a few friends for his birthday and ordered a filet that came with this as its side.  Absolutely delicious.  Mouthwatering fresh crab meat covered with buttery rich sauce over crisp asparagus.  I just drooled on my keyboard.

3.  Filet Mignon, cooked medium rare, from Morton’s Steakhouse.  My awesome husband took me here for my birthday during a trip to Chicago and it was, hands down, the best steak that has ever passed across my lips.  Tender, flavorful, juicy, and cooked absolutely perfect.

4.  A slice of Giordano’s stuffed pepperoni pizza.  Without a doubt, the best stuffed pizza on this Earth.  If not for the fact that one little slice is pushing 700 calories, I would eat this at least twice a week.

5.  A Weihenstephaner draught beer and order of onion rings with house made ketchup from Bru Bar in Indianapolis.  Don’t ask me to pronounce that beer, just believe me when I say it’s delicious.  Very light and very flavorful.  Paired with their delicious hand battered crispy onion rings with sweet ketchup, it’s absolute perfection.

6.  Lobster bisque from Carnival Cruise Ship’s fine dining restaurant.  This is the best lobster bisque in existence.  I’m pretty sure it’s made from magical lobsters that are marinated in the tears of angels and then blessed by the taste bud gods.  Again, I’m drooling.

7.  A Tennessee Long Island from Houlihan’s.  Take a traditional long island, double it in size, and add Jack Daniel’s and cranberry juice.  It’s also only $4.

8.  A Chocolate Xtreme blizzard from Dairy Queen.  I love DQ’s ice cream, but I also love not weighing 300 pounds, so it’s not often I get to enjoy a blizzard.  Make mine a large, please.

9.  A big slice of Deluxe Sicilian pizza from NY Little Italy in Greenfield, Indiana.  Fresh ingredients, freshly made on the spot, hand tossed dough for every order, and packed sky high with toppings.  Giordano’s is my favorite stuffed pizza and this is my favorite traditional.  Just thinking about it makes me want a slice.

10.  A three egg omelette with lots of cheese, salsa, cream cheese, ham, bacon, sausage, and whatever else you can throw in!  This is one I’d want to make myself.  I love breakfast and I’ve got through phases where I will eat an omelette every day of the week.  Just throw me some ingredients and let me at it.  Don’t forget sour cream.  Or peppers and onions.  Maybe some guacamole to be different?  Nom nom nom….

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All Food is Soul Food

I love to eat.  I’m sure I was a 1000 pound woman in a past life who ate herself to death.  I love fast food, good food, bad food, fattening food, snack food, diet food, carnival food, gourmet food, I love it all!  I would rather eat and be happy and deal with those few extra pounds than be in perfect physical shape and eat nothing but rabbit food and protein shakes.

I miss Waffle House dearly; I haven’t been back since moving to Indiana.  In college, Waffle House was like the 6th food group.  My absolute favorite meal was the Texas Cheesesteak Omelet, topped with Heinz 57, side of hash browns scattered smothered covered and chunked, raisin toast with apple butter, and hot buttered grits.  My mouth waters just thinking about it.

I go through phases with snack food.  I will love a certain thing for weeks and then suddenly bore of it and move on.  This week it’s spicy cheddar Combos.  Candy bars rotate in and out when I need a chocolate fix.  Kettle corn is excellent when available; I only eat fresh, not bagged from the grocery store.  Honey roasted peanuts are delicious, but only certain brands.  Generic low fat Oreos are better than one would think.  I have issues with excessive snacking after dinner, a habit I need to break before I gain 50 pounds.

Delicious!

Life would be empty without pizza.  $5 pizza from Little Caesar’s, greasy goodness from Papa John’s with garlic butter and cheese sauce for dipping, giant meat fest from Mozzi’s, P’zones from Pizza Hut, gourmet pizzas from sit-down establishements, various frozen pizzas from your local grocers freezer, scrumptious chicken bacon combination from Donato’s, on the list goes on and on!  I’ll eat it hot or cold, for breakfast, lunch or dinner, any time of the year with any group of people.

A big guilty pleasure for myself and my husband is carnival and fair food.  We have the Indiana State Fair as well as a couple county fairs, and we always make an appearance and enjoy.  The best thing about fair food is that they deep fry or chocolate cover anything and everything.  We had the pleasure of sampling chocolate covered bacon one year, which tastes exactly as it sounds.  Chocolate dipped cheesecake on a stick was a favorite dessert of the State Fair and something I hope will be back this year.  With enough sugar to induce a coma, it was a delicious sin.  Deep fried twinkies, snickers bars, oreos, Coke, all fattening and all delicious.  The classic funnel cakes and elephant ears are a treat.  If you want to eat semi-healthy, there are turkey legs, chicken sandwiches, philly cheesesteaks.  All right, not exactly healthy, but at least you’re getting meat and bread.  And dairy!

Diets made me unhappy, and I’ve tried enough to know.  The low-carb craze looked good, but I only lasted 2 weeks.  I love my carbs!  Yes, I lost a few pounds during those two weeks, but I got them right back when I went back to eating bread again.  I went vegetarian for almost a month; didn’t drop a single pound.  Cutting out so much food as those diets did doesn’t work unless you honestly plan on never eating those foods again.  What makes more sense is moderation of the foods you love combined with exercise.


I find myself frequently amused by diet pills and the incorrect notion some people have about popping a pill, eat whatever you want, and losing weight.  One pill comes with the warning to wear dark pants and carry a change of underwear with you because their pill can cause anal leakage.  An ingredient of many pills was taken off the market because of the stress it put on the heart.  Most of the spokespeople for these pills are celebrities who don’t need to drop a single pound and probably wouldn’t use it if they were trying to lose weight.  Pills aren’t going to give you a miracle cure, but if one ever does get created that actually does allow a person to eat like every meal is their last and still maintain or lose weight, I’ll be the first in line to buy a bottle.

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