I’m Punching Toddlers Today

There is a carnival going on today and over the weekend in a field adjacent to the building I work in.  Today is also their picnic, which allows employees to leave at 11:00am and also allows them to bring their kids to work.  A couple of years ago, before I worked in the building, my husband brought our son in so he could see where Daddy and Grandma work.  He enjoyed it; he watched movies on a portable player, talked on Grandma’s phone, and was out of here before lunchtime.  Most importantly though, it was a pleasant experience for everyone because my child is well-behaved and well-mannered, which can’t be said about the gremlins in here today.

There was a long line to get through security because people couldn’t be bothered to hold their kids by the hand or carry small ones through the line.  Couldn’t use the restroom easily because a lady washing her hands was allowing her toddler to roam around and peek under the stalls.  Another woman was using an incredibly loud baby-talk voice to convince her daughter to “go potty, yes darling?  Let’s go potty with mommy!  Oh yes, it’s potty time!  Potty potty potty!”  On the way back to my office, a large woman leaned against the wall while her small son danced in the middle of the hallway.  While I tried to dodge him, along with numerous others, she cooed “Now darling, there are people walking!”  I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling her to move her fat ass and grab her kid before someone steps on him, but I doubt she would have bothered to move.  I can hear high-pitched shrieks from the hallway over my iPod.  Almost ran into a woman’s ass on the way back from the store because she decided to bend over in front of me to shake hands with a boy who stopped in the hall.  My mother in law said it’s like a zoo in the cafeteria.  There is a child banging on our office door and the mother is laughing, saying it’s SO cute how excited he is to be here.  Apparently, I work in a freaking daycare for children with ADHD.

I don’t blame the kids though.  I blame these lazy parents who can’t be bothered to take a bit of action and control their child.  I blame the moronic people who treat these kids like kings and queens and allow them to run rampant in a place of business.  I blame the moms and dads who assume the bad behavior isn’t bothering anyone because their child is just SO cute and cuteness overrides all annoyances.  I get that it’s Bring Your Brat To Work Day and I expect things to not be business as usual, but that doesn’t make it okay to treat the office like we’re at Six Flags on free Pixi Stick Day.  I popped a kid out too, people, I’m not going to be all that impressed with your offspring and I don’t want them touching my things or singing the ABCs while I’m taking a phone call.

I’m not attempting to portray myself and my husband as perfect parents, we’re far from perfect, but we did manage to raise a kid to almost the age of six who knows how to behave in public, who understands the difference between what is acceptable to do outside versus inside, who uses his quiet voice when in settings that require it, who says please and thank you, and who is (mostly) a joy to be around.  We don’t beat the kid to get those results, we just demand excellence from him.  When he acts up, it is immediately corrected, and not with “Mommy is going to count to three” or other empty threats.  The daddy voice alone is enough to stop bad behavior in its tracks.  We don’t try to be friends with the boy, we act like his parents.

If you’re too lazy to teach your child how to act and how to carry themselves, please never ever reproduce.  Get yourself sterilized immediately.  Being a parent is a never-ending job not meant for the faint of heart.  You’ve got to keep your kid in line for their own benefit, but also for the benefit of others.  A spoiled little boy will grow up to be a self-absorbed man with a false sense of entitlement.  A little girl who gets told she’s a perfect princess as she destroys the house will grow to be a bitchy woman who thinks the world should kiss her ass.  Let your children have all the fun in the world, but teach them the difference between playtime and serious time.  Help the child understand what things are acceptable to do around people and what should be left at home or not done at all.  Trust me, if your kid doesn’t hate you once in a while, you’re not doing it right.


About Jamie C. Baker

“Long time no see. I only pray the caliber of your questions has improved.” - Kevin Smith

Posted on July 1, 2011, in Crazy People, Family, Kids, Party!, Work and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Nice response in return of this difficulty with firm arguments and describing
    everything about that.

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