The First Rule Of Fight Club
Sometimes I act very human and girly when I drink and overreact over something silly. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with tasks when all I want to do is relax. Sometimes, like yesterday, it’s 94 degrees outside and I’m hot and cranky. And sometimes people just piss me off. Regardless of the reason behind it, I get triggered now and then and end up picking a fight with my husband. I get a lot of “WTF is wrong with you looks” from him as a result.
My husband and I didn’t exactly have a typical courtship. We met online, decided we wanted to be together before even meeting, and had a mere 48 hours together before deciding that I would move 1000 miles to be with him and we’d get a place together. We were thrown into a domestic situation with a toddler having only been on a couple dates during our weekend together. I’d had roommates since 18 and lived with a nice variety of people, but my husband had limited exposure to the world of roommates and live-in girlfriends. Add that to my super defensive attitude that I felt I needed to survive and you got quite an explosion. For example, there’s a patched up hole in the master bathroom’s door from slamming it open too hard during a fight.
Once in a while, I feel guilty about fighting with him. Okay, honestly, I feel guilty every single time. I feel like a jerk, especially when there are people out there who say “Oh, we NEVER fight!” I hate when friends and family catch a glimpse of a disagreement because I feel ashamed that we’re not blissful 24/7. Why I feel this way, I couldn’t tell you. Part of me feels that I should apologize to people who happen to catch bits and pieces of fights with my hubby, or explain to them that we’re usually not disagreeing. I worry that I’ve made other couples uncomfortable or maybe they think poorly of my marriage and they’ll tell my husband to run while he can when I leave the room. Paranoid much?
I totally understand how silly it is for me to expect things to be perfect all the time. If we fought constantly, I’d agree there was an issue, but it’s rare and generally doesn’t last longer than an episode of Family Guy. I’ve had relationships where there was no fighting, and the reason there was no fighting was because the other person was a doormat and I could have gotten away with murder if I so chose. My husband is no bully, but he calls me out on my bullshit, he tells me when I screw up, he won’t agree with my nonsense just to make me happy, and it’s all made me a stronger and better person. Besides, what is the point of being with someone who always agrees with you, never challenges you, and doesn’t express any opinion contrary to your own? Sounds boring as hell.