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No Kids Allowed In The Adult Pool

Due to my inability to keep my damn mouth shut, I need to comment a bit on some recent events before I am officially done with it.  This is not a passive aggressive attempt to get through to anyone because I’ll gladly speak directly about it if they so choose.

When I was 14 or 15, my best friend Chris got ticked off at me for some reason I can’t remember anymore and gave me the silent treatment for three days.  Three godawful days; he was and still is the king of silent treatments and it was as if I had vanished from the face of the Earth for those three days.  Obviously, we eventually made nice and I still pick on him about it once in a while and have a laugh.  It was an effective way to get a point across.  But we were kids.  We couldn’t even drive yet.  If he pulled that garbage now, I wouldn’t be laughing because it’s a pretty immature thing to do.

Friends fight, it’s a natural thing that’s bound to happen at least once during your friendship.  People disagree, take things the wrong way, offend each other, step on toes, and act like asses.  If you’re friends with a married or dating couple (or vice versa), you run the risk of angering one half of the couple or having your boy/girlfriend get upset and whine to you about some wrongdoing.  But that’s life.  People piss you off, you deal with it and you move on.  Explain to the offender that was they said or did wasn’t all right with you and either make peace or end the friendship.  Be an adult.  Don’t recruit someone to fight your battle for you and don’t resort to playground revenge tactics.

Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, and now Google+ have provided us with a great way to stay in touch with people from afar and annoy our friends close by, but have also given the immature crowd a new way to slight others.  Last year, I told two former friends exactly what kind of douchebags they were due to their piss poor treatment of their friends, including myself.  They were so angry at me for it that they stopped following not only myself on Twitter, but my husband and 2 other friends who had exactly nothing to do with what I said to these people.  They also defriended them on Facebook.  I didn’t mind the friendship loss, but I still fail to see why they cut ties with three other people because of something I said.  These were people in their 20s and there they were, throwing a digital “I’m not talking to you anymore” fit.

I have a very small circle of friends and the reason for this is because I’m picky and I prefer quality over popularity.  I’m not going to waste my time with someone who doesn’t deserve it or someone who treats life as a 24 hour joke.  I’m 30 years old and while I still act like an immature idiot sometimes, I also have enough sense to know when and where to act my age.  My husband and I have great paying jobs and we’re in the process of getting to a very financially stable place (he’s a bit faster than me at this).  We go to concerts, movies, and on amazing vacations.  We’re in the process of doing somewhat of a remodel our home.  We have fun and act like retarded kids but we also have our shit together.  I’m never ashamed of anyone seeing where I live because we have a nice place.  My car is currently in need of a fuel pump, but it’s not an issue because we maintain 2 vehicles.  We’re not living the problem free life, but we’re damn sure living a good one.

If I piss you off and you don’t have the balls to say something to me about it, either get over it fast or learn to speak up.  How can you have a healthy friendship (or any relationship) if you can’t approach someone maturely and tell them they fucked up and you’re not having it or that something they did/are doing bothers you?  I’m a pretty reasonable person and I’m capable of having a rational conversation, so there is zero excuse for not manning up and letting me know what’s up.  If I’m not close to the person, I probably won’t give a rat’s ass if they decide to quit talking to me one day, but when someone who is a great friend to my husband and who I assumed was a friend to me does it, I’m at a loss.

What gets me about the current situation is that I was 100% uninvolved in the incident that set things off.  I don’t even understand why the anger is there in the first place; the offense wasn’t even offensive.  Still, my uninvolved self was shunned both on Twitter and Google+.  I initially thought that due to what looks like a new Twitter account, I was accidentally left out, but I don’t think I was accidentally deleted from the friend circle in Google+.  Am I guilty by association because my husband pissed you off?  Maybe I’m just a terrible person and they didn’t realize it until a couple of days ago?  Or maybe there is no good reason, it’s just the result of me getting caught in the crossfire of a temper tantrum thrown over something silly.

I have certain expectations from the people I consider friends and one of those is to act maturely when maturity is called for.  I want to surround myself with great people doing great things and I don’t see why I should ever settle for anything less.  There is absolutely no justification for an adult to give someone the silent treatment or the digital shun.  I’d much rather have someone screaming in my face than ignoring my phone calls, because at least the screamer has the decency to approach me and (loudly) tell me why they’re upset.  Since I didn’t get any communication in this situation, I’m venting here and I’m done with it.  I won’t be going out of my way to talk to anyone who wasn’t willing to speak with me and I’m not going to worry about the potential loss of a friend because I have an amazing husband and great people here locally.  All things considered, I come out a winner no matter what the future brings.

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About Jamie C. Baker

“Long time no see. I only pray the caliber of your questions has improved.” - Kevin Smith

Posted on July 15, 2011, in Crazy People, Friends and/or Enemies, Life and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

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