Rude Mother Fu….

My husband and I had a break from being parents this weekend and took advantage by going to see Killer Elite and then grabbing dinner.  Killer Elite was fantastic, but any movie tends to be if you have Jason Statham being a bad ass throughout the film.  Clive Owen was also amazing, as was Robert De Niro and Dominic Purcell.  My husband and I never have a normal movie experience, and this one was free of loud popcorn crunchers but included a guy with Laughing Tourettes syndrome; he let out a loud HA! at parts that generally weren’t even funny.  All in all, we loved the movie and I highly recommend going to see it if you love action and guys getting embarrassed by Statham’s bad-assery.

After the movie, my husband and I dove into the important decision of where to grab dinner.  I’m the most indecisive person on Earth and my first two suggestions didn’t fly so I was reluctant to suggest anything else.  We eventually decided on Teppanyaki, a giant Chinese buffet filled with amazing and delicious food.  The parking lot was packed when we arrived so my husband did a loop around to pull into a space.  While we were driving around, there was a maroon car stopped diagonally in the lane next to ours, not moving and not doing much of anything except sitting there.  My husband went ahead and parked.  The maroon car continued to stay put for a minute and then drove off.  As we exited our car, the maroon car drove past us.  The passenger window rolled down and the woman snapped, “Y’all are some rude motherfuckers!” before driving away.  She ended up having to park 4 spaces beyond the space she apparently desired.

Neither my husband nor myself are parking space thieves.  I’ve had people muscle their way into a space I was obviously going for; when I have my turn signal on and/or am trying to pull in, it’s rude to steal it.  This woman, however, did not have a turn signal on.  I believe she was attempting to back into the space, but she wasn’t moving her car at all.  She was sitting in the lane not doing a thing.  She didn’t blow her horn at us once we began to pull into the space from the other side.  She had also been motionless long enough for us to creep around the other side and slowly pull in, so she wasn’t even in the act of backing into the space.  My husband said that if she had honked or expressed intent to pull in, he would have let her, but she didn’t do anything.  I’m not a rude person, but parking spaces aren’t assigned in public and you can’t expect people to wait on you to decide what you want to do, then get mad because they don’t wait.

The restaurant turned out to have a long wait, so my husband and I decided we were going to go elsewhere.  Upon exiting, we caught the girl who cussed at us walking towards my husband’s car, taking a path totally out of the way to get to the restaurant, so I can only imagine that she intended on keying the car or doing something else equally as classy to get her revenge.  As I walked by her, she stared me down, showing me that she would definitely win an Ugly Face Competition.  I commented on how tough she was and we went on our way.  I can’t tell you how lucky I felt that the restaurant was packed; had we not left I have no doubt in my mind that we would have left dinner and been welcomed with a scratched car or maybe a flat tire if she was feeling bold enough.  Crisis averted before it began, but I do have a few things to say to the angry chick, as well as other people who don’t understand how parking lots work:

1.  You snooze, you lose.  If you’re just sitting in the aisle of the lot and not showing any intent of pulling into a space, other drivers can not be expected to know what you’re doing and wait for you to make a decision.

2.  Clear a path.  If you’re waiting for someone to pull out, put your blinker on and stay to the side of the aisle to allow other traffic to pass you.  Don’t block the entire aisle; the turn signal expresses your intent to turn in.  Other cars shouldn’t have to wait on you and the other car if they’re trying to get by.

3.  Stay between the lines.  When the lot is packed and spaces are limited, don’t invade the space next to you and render it useless to other drivers.  It’s frustrating to see an empty space and not be able to park in it due to the lack of parking ability of the people to the left and right.

4.  “Right of way” doesn’t mean “Take your time.”  Don’t walk down the middle of the aisle and hold up traffic.  Don’t let your kids run in front of behind you.  Stay to one side and allow cars to easily pass you.  Don’t step in front of oncoming traffic just because they’re obligated to stop for you.  Don’t keep your car door wide open and block the empty parking space next to you.  If it would annoy you, don’t do it to other people.

5.  Don’t be afraid to walk.  Who cares if you have to park three spaces further down than you wanted to?  The little bit of extra exercise won’t kill you.

6.  Tame the road rage.  People are jerks and they’ll always be jerks.  Calling my husband and I “rude motherfuckers” didn’t accomplish anything except making the girl look stupid.  Even if someone does steal your parking spot, is it really worth the effort to cuss them out?  I’d rather not take the chance of confronting the wrong person and starting a fight or risking damage to my vehicle.

With Christmas approaching, shoppers will get more cutthroat and parking situations will worsen greatly.  Tis the season for rudeness and bad behavior when out trying to get gifts for friends and family.  The mall lots will be a nightmare and a half as soon as Thanksgiving is wrapped up and traffic will be at a standstill in some areas.  This year, I’m setting a goal for myself to bring a bit of good behavior into the dark cloud surrounding holiday shopping.  I’ll say words like “excuse me” and “thank you” and make an effort to smile more.  I’ll either avoid Christmas shopping late in the season entirely or learn to cope with awful parking lot situations and ensure I resist the urge to get a bit ragey when people forget to be polite.  If I was Oprah, I’d start a campaign of niceness this holiday season (and in general) when dealing with parking lot disasters.  But I’m just me, and all I can do is hope that a person or two reads this and makes it a point to resist the urge to yell “motherfucker” to strangers in parking lots.


About Jamie C. Baker

“Long time no see. I only pray the caliber of your questions has improved.” - Kevin Smith

Posted on September 26, 2011, in Crazy People, Food, Fun!, TV/Movies and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. I hate that you post things before I get a chance to write about them! Stop being such a busy body! 🙂

  2. Great post! It always amaze me how people can take time to write them. But to be honest maybe you should change the color of the texts? Sorry if I am being rude, just trying to help. Kind regards, Sophia

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