Angry Wives Society
I was browsing CNN.com yesterday when this articlecaught my eye. The heading read Why We Get Mad At Our Husbands. As someone who is happily married to a sometimes difficult man, I couldn’t resist checking it out. The article stated that “46% of moms get irate with their husbands once a week or more” and mothers “with kids younger than 1 are even more likely to be mad that often (54 percent).” It also states that mothers get angry that their husbands seem unable to multitask when it comes to the kids, don’t help with the chores or create even more work when they try to help, take too much time for themselves and not enough time for the family, and don’t act like an equal partner. 44% of mothers are reported as saying that “dads often don’t notice what needs to be done around the house or with the kids. We hate that we have to tell them what needs to be done, that they can step over a basket of laundry on their way to find the remote control.”
I will admit, I found myself relating to a few bits of this article. I expect my husband to know what needs to be done and to help without asking while he expect me to ask for assistance if I feel overwhelmed and want him to give our boy a bath or throw something in the washing machine. I wouldn’t consider myself a part of the 44% who think their spouse doesn’t notice what needs to be done, but I can sympathize with the frustration of having to ask for help or point out things needing to be done. It’s a problem that doesn’t need to be one though when you marry someone responsible and who exists on the same page as you. I may find myself annoyed that my husband can’t sense when I’m overworked and doesn’t automatically jump up to help me, but is that really his fault if I’m too busy storming around the house to ask for a helping hand? On the surface, moments like this make me feel anger towards him, but in reality I’m angry at the pile of various housework facing me and I’m willing to bet that a good deal of women who reported anger towards their spouse can say the same if they’re being honest with themselves.
Women and men are wired quite differently and it definitely shows when you put my husband and I side by side. We tackle chores differently and choose different orders and ways to do things. I prefer to come home from work and immediately tackle what needs to be done so I can get it out of the way while my husband likes to take some time to relax and get in comfortable clothes, unwinding before getting his hands dirty. He likes to write down a list of everything he wants to accomplish and I choose to play it by ear and hopefully remember all that needs to be done. We have different ways of washing dishes and clothes, different methods to bathe and feed the boy in the best manner possible, and different directions in which we tackle cleaning and disinfecting various rooms and areas. If you haven’t guessed, the key word here is different, not unequal or unbalanced, just different. The key to a peaceful household isn’t being with someone who does as you do but to be with someone who succeeds in the areas you fail and who fills your gaps, allowing you both to operate at 100% as a unit.
It comes as no shocker that the article reports about half of the mothers out there find themselves getting irate at their hubby at least once a week and I’m sure the men can say the same about their wives. Marriage and parenthood have its downsides that come with all the good and one of those includes being fed up with the person you’re with. My husband will freely admit that he sometimes goes out of his way to drive me a little batty, mainly because it’s pretty easy to do, but it’s one of those things that will happen whether you intend it to or not. The best thing us females can do is to ensure we’re picky about who we choose to cohabitate with. I married someone who is even more germaphobic than I am and who only knows what lazy means on Sundays, someone who doesn’t slack off or procrastinate (too bad) and someone who is committed to getting the most out of life. It’s the reason I’m a member of the happy half of wives and the reason I have little sympathy for the angry ones out there. Know what you want and make sure you have it before you even think about adding marriage and children to the equation, otherwise you’re setting yourself up for many upsetting days in your future.