Not Even Women Know What Women Think
My husband and I went for hot chocolate at work today and were helped by someone who I’ve never met before but my husband and mother-in-law used to see a few times a month when they would go for coffee or ice cream. As we traveled from the register to the end of the counter while she prepared our drinks, there was a bit of conversation exchanged between her and my husband about not seeing him for a while. If our order has taken any longer than it did, I might have started to get uncomfortable because she acted as though I was invisible, choosing only to make eye contact and hand drinks to my husband. In her case, I’m inclined to write it off as her being shy, but nearly every woman I know has had a situation where they have stood idly by as a female chats up their man while they stand there feeling invisible OR has been the woman doing the ignoring.
I touched on this a couple of years ago when working at a physical therapy office. There were certain patients that demanded different behaviors from me as a female; one who expressed discomfort when any female therapist would even make eye contact with her husband, one who preferred we discuss her boyfriend’s care with her and not with him, one who insisted on watching when her husband got massages (these were fully clothed, mind you), and a variety of other habits by women aimed to limit the amount of verbal communication and physical cues aimed at their significant other by another female, even though there was no intent other than a professional one. That place aside, I can think of an endless amount of examples of situations where female A talks to a male while female B stands by, arms crossed, clouded in jealousy, anger, confusion, or discomfort.
Not every interaction warrants an introduction, so girlfriends and wives will often find themselves standing idly by while a female from the past greets their man and doesn’t bother to acknowledge their presence. It’s in our nature to want to claim our territory and tell this mystery female that we are the woman in this man’s life, whether she cares or not. There’s also a bit of insecurity that tends to pop up, especially if the female in question happens to be attractive. What strikes me as funny is that these interactions between our men and the mystery chick are in general very respectable and innocent, yet us females overreact and behave as though this woman just ran up and began dry humping our man.
Part of the reasoning for this stems back to the sometimes myth and oftentimes fact that men and women cannot be friends. Men always have an agenda to get laid and women have one to find love, or vice versa, or maybe they desire both. Regardless of intent, men and women can’t maintain a friendship without letting physical attraction and romantic feelings interfere. Being married to a man whose closest friend is a very attractive female and being a chick who has always had a large group of guy friends that haven’t crossed the line into boyfriend territory, I put little stock into the thought that people of the opposite sex are doomed to fail as friends or fall into bed. However, in this world where we utter things like “well if someone like Demi Moore can’t keep a man, there’s no hope for the rest of us,” it’s really no wonder we let our emotions get the best of us and get irrational.
Females treat each other like garbage, which is in direct contrast to how we claim we want to be treated and how we claim to value ourselves. We rationalize our jealousy and protectiveness over our man by saying it’s not him we don’t trust, it’s the other females. We lie and backstab each other like there’s no tomorrow and we’re quicker to blame the other woman than we are our man if we catch him being unfaithful. We call women sluts when we don’t approve of their outfit or are simply jealous that we couldn’t pull the same ensemble off. I’ve said myself that the reason I prefer male friends is because woman are so hateful to each other. This attitude we have is also another big factor in why we feel such discomfort when our man addresses another female.
I lost two of my best friends in Georgia soon after they got serious with their girlfriends (now their wives) and it still doesn’t make sense to me. Men I’ve never dated, men I couldn’t date due to being an a serious relationship, were pressured by their ladies to quit talking to me because for some reason the friendship we had bothered them. Nevermind the fact that I went out of my way to be nice to them and befriend them, nevermind the fact that I was careful to put extra distance between my male friends and myself when they were present, the simple fact that I was a girl and was their friend made them lay down a “it’s either her or me” ultimatum and was the major factor in putting two friendships to rest.
I consider myself to be a confident and secure person, comfortable in my marriage with no doubts that my husband only desires naked time with me, and yet I still notice things like the girl in the coffee shop averting her gaze from me and ignoring my “thank you.” The thought of my hubby having naughty thoughts about her is laughable, and still this annoying voice in the back of my mind asks me “why do you think she’s not saying anything to you?” Is this simply something that is wired into women? Am I doomed to have these thoughts pop up forever?
The coffee girl didn’t bother me, but here I am so perplexed by the behavior that I sat down and wrote this blog. I suppose what really gets to me is that I am no longer that little insecure girl who expects every man she’s with to run off with the first big breasted blond he sees, and as such, I should no longer give a damn about the behavior of other women when it comes to my husband unless it is extreme and inappropriate. If men are like this too, I’ll feel slightly better about the whole thing, but I’d honestly just love to remove that little part of my brain that is determined to act like a drama queen because there’s no need for it. If you take anything away from my rambling here, please let it be that there truly is no need for any of it. Uncross your arms and relax, stop driving yourself mad with crazy thoughts of boyfriend thieves, and find your comfort zone in your relationship and in life.