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What Is Love? Baby.. Don’t Hurt Me!

Every time the general public seems to forget about Chris Brown, he does something idiotic and gets his name back on everyone’s mind.  He told the world to fuck off via Twitter after winning a Grammy (a tweet he later deleted) and he collaborated with Rihanna on a couple new songs.  Now he’s all I hear about; is he back with Rihanna, has the public forgiven him, how dare he be honored after what he did, and so on.

What Rihanna chooses to do at this point is her business and hers alone.  She doesn’t exactly present herself in such a way that she would ever be mistaken for some sort of role model; with her in-your-face sexuality and often inappropriate comments and behavior, she is hardly a woman that a young girl should want to model themselves after.  I don’t say that to slam Rihanna for the person she is, I’m just trying to make it clear that she obviously is not trying to be a role model for anyone.  If she wishes to forgive Chris Brown for beating her, so be it.  If she can overlook the violent behavior he’s exhibited since beating her, so be it.  And if she’s wrong and he ends up hitting her again, she has only herself to blame.

I have a zero tolerance policy for violence against women.  I’ve been that girl who’s made excuses to explain the bruises on her arms, the marks on her neck, the black eye.  I understand how difficult it can be to walk away and realize that love isn’t that type of pain.  I know the insecurities that a woman feels while in an abusive relationship and the reasons she’ll come up with for why she was beaten.  It’s a sad and sorry situation and while I was in it, I honestly didn’t think anything was wrong.  I thought it was normal, that I deserved it for being difficult, that it was an accident and wouldn’t happen again, and that I could fix it.  I was a pathetic shell of a person and sadly, it’s a common place for women to find themselves in.

I refused to open my eyes to see the situation as it truly was until I had my son.  At that point, something clicked inside my head and I realized that I was placing my child and myself in a dangerous situation with an unstable violent man who could kill us both if he came at us hard enough.  Prior to that, I remained in a daze.  I ignored horror stories from formerly abused women who tried to help.  I ignored those who extended their hand and offered assistance.  I have no doubt that people in Rihanna’s life are trying to help her as well, attempting to get her to open her eyes and realize that she’s putting herself back in harm’s way and sending the message that she isn’t good enough, that she’s worth so little that it’s acceptable to hit her.  I also suspect that it’s a waste of everyone’s time to try to get her to see something she just isn’t ready to face.

People like Chris Brown who lash out at women don’t change overnight, if at all.  They are cowardly selfish people who use their brute strength and the fear others have of them in order to keep control of certain situations and people in their lives.  They are amazing actors and have the ability to fool most everyone around them, giving off the impression of a sweet man who really loves the woman he’s with.  Lying is a vital and central part of their life and no one is better at creating a tall tale on a moment’s notice than they are.  Often they come from homes where they were abused or witnessed abuse, but that fact should in no way excuse their behavior.  There is no excuse for a man striking a woman and to make any is just shameful.

Should Chris Brown be forgiven?  Sure; it’s not healthy to hold a grudge forever and eventually you have to move on, especially those of us who aren’t ever going to interact with the guy and who just want to enjoy his music.  While it’s good to forgive, what he did is something that shouldn’t be forgotten.  If I had my way, he would never be allowed to be alone with a woman again as I have no doubt that eventually he will snap once again and some unfortunately woman will find themselves on the wrong end of his fist.  I would hope that females would be intelligent enough to avoid this guy like the plague, but if Rihanna’s behavior and the tweets from fans stating they would love Brown to beat them, chicks these days are as dumb as ever.

Ladies, I don’t care how wonderful you think a guy is, how worried you are about being single if you don’t stay with him, or what reasons you can come up with to blame yourself for being struck.  There has never been and will never be an acceptable reason for a man to strike a woman outside of you violently attacking him and the male fearing for his life or fearing severe bodily damage.  Most men are bigger than us, stronger than us, and able to fight at a higher skill level than us.  It’s not a sexist remark, it’s just fact.  It is foolish of any woman to go back to a man who hits her, especially if you have children involved.  Yes, accidents happen (I literally walked into a guy’s fist once) but it’s foolish and ignorant to call being struck out of anger an accident.  Call it like it is and decide what’s more important, your heart being broken or your bones.

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About Jamie C. Baker

“Long time no see. I only pray the caliber of your questions has improved.” - Kevin Smith

Posted on February 24, 2012, in Crazy People, Fear, Life, Love, News and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. I do support the no domestic violence however the public needs to focus on people they can relate to. Unfortunately, Rihanna & Chris Brown are NOT on that list. I can’t accept that anyone wants to reject the music of a good artists because of struggles in their personal life. In my opinion the ploy to boycott his music was ridiculous because it was never going to last. Before we worry about what cekebrities are doing we need to control & maintain the situations in our own homes. Someone always has a suggestion until they are the victim & usually that’s when they rationalize at any cost. If people want to make a stand against domestic violence it should start at home. I can’t comprehend being so proactive towards Chris Brown & Rihanna yet “John” beats “Cindy” on a daily basis across the street & no one intervenes. Secondly, if any radio is going to boycott music because of artists’ personal damenor we might as well say goodbye to music.

    • Did you even read what I wrote? If people want to like Brown, so be it, but I hope no woman is dumb enough to get into a relationship with that idiot. Once a woman beater, always a woman beater. Second, obviously personal lives of artists don’t dictate success, but in certain cases it should dictate whether or not a certain person should be backed. If someone murders another person, should they be supported simply because they sing well? Is violence any different? In any case, I hold strong to my opinion and feel sorry for any woman who devalues herself enough to think any different.

      • If a female is weak enough to be mistreated continuously and do nothing about it then what can be done??!?!? I can only offer support to help provide an option to take a step in the other direction. Furthermore, if someone takes a step toward the danger then it is what it is. I don’t expect much from people, I can only control myself. I did read what you wrote, if I didn’t I wouldn’t have commented. I sympathize with your frustration, we just see through slightly different frames. I’ve never been in an abusive relationship nor do I have the tolerance to entertain one headed in that direction.

        • Oh sweetheart, it has nothing to do with weakness. If you haven’t been there, you can quiet down now. Also, if you can tolerate Chris Brown, obviously you don’t value yourself enough nor do you respect your gender enough to stand up for what is right. It’s women like you who give women like me a bad name.

    • Good artists? Chris Brown lip syncs when he performs live and his entire album is autotuned out the ass. If that’s the definition of good then you need your ears checked.

  2. I’m not sure why my comment struck a nerve & caused you to lash out. No personal attack was made on my behalf. I simply made a comment on your PUBLIC blog post, if you would like to refrain from this option maybe consider making it PRIVATE. Everyone doesn’t have to agree 100% with you, as a writer you should be able to resprct that. Regardless, I’ll pray for you & your toxic misconception of others’ personal worth. Good day! 🙂

  3. Lol Bless your heart, you didn’t hurt my feelings in the slightest. I don’t play the victim role. I find your antics for a rebuttal amusing honestly but if it makes you feel at ease you can delete my comments to further valid your voice. Once a again.. Good day!

  4. Chris Brown is a punk ass bitch that beats women. The domestic violence issues aside, he is also a disrespectful little kid with little talent who is constantly in the news because he is a fuck-up. Just read two days ago he called a fan who was trying to take his picture a bitch and then stole her iPhone! She is currently working with prosecutors to file charges. So is that the role model we should look to? Is that who we should give a Grammy too? He might have stopped beating Rihanna’s face in, but he’s still a good-for-nothing piece of crap that doesn’t deserve our time.

    • He’s an idiot. If people want to like his music, so be it, but I don’t understand those who act as if he’s god’s gift to the musical world. I will admit that his dancing is impressive, but musically he’s fairly average and forgettable. If not for the in-studio tweaks, his songs wouldn’t sound like they do. He has an incredible production team that does 90% of the work on those songs anyway. People can like who they want to like, but I get to think they’re idiots for doing so 🙂

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  6. lmao @ chris brown being “good” (in any way shape or form” music

  7. Allistar Stewart has his orange tie on. Oooh he’s such a tease

  8. An interesting discussion is worth comment. I think that you should write more on this topic, it might not be a taboo subject but generally people are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers
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  1. Pingback: Haters Gonna Hate « The Sanity Of A Mad Woman

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