Til Death. Part Time Of Course.

I heard something the other day that annoyed me.  Because it’s secondhand information and because the person may not want me regurgitating their information, I’m going to be as brief as possible.  Single female, with children, dated two married men with the full and complete knowledge that they are married.  I suppose it’s all right to be brief in the description since this scenario is unfortunately quite a common one.

Being single with children is rough and I don’t think there’s a certain age range where it’s any easier than another; you either have children who don’t understand, preteens who are resentful, teenagers who act rebellious and unwelcoming, not to mention the depression and guilt that can strike any age when the child is left wondering why one parent isn’t around and doesn’t love them like they believe they should.  As a former single mom, I know how hard it is to date and shed the unwed mom image or the notion that you’re loose and your bad behavior is what landed you with a kid.  Other than the single moms I knew, guess who understood my dating dilemma best?  Married people.  I’m not quite sure why, but my married friends (both childless and parents) somehow got it and sympathized.  I can definitely see how a vulnerable single woman would be drawn to a married man who understood how lonely she felt.  That being said, there’s a very clear line there that cannot and must not be crossed.

To a single mom, a successful man is quite attractive and one who is a family man as well is even better.  Raising a child alone doesn’t make for the most stable environment, no matter how good you are at it.  To hear a man talk about the things he does for his kids after work and how proud he is of them could definitely be attractive.  To hear about how he pampers his stay-at-home wife could definitely make a woman feel a bit of jealousy and wish she was in the wife’s place.  That doesn’t justify trying to stick yourself there.  You don’t get a marriage license because it’s fun, you do so because a marriage is a legal binding agreement between two people.  If they choose to separate on their own without outside interference, so be it.  No one should insert themselves into someone else’s marriage, no matter how you feel or what promises the married party makes to you or lies they feed you.  If you’re giving up your goods, of COURSE the unfaithful married person will swear they’re getting a divorce or are already sleeping in separate beds, so long as you keep on taking your pants off.  Only a fool buys into that and only a fool puts themselves in that position to begin with.

I can’t imagine any man out there who would make me want to become a homewrecker.  Why would I want to teach my son that marriage vows mean jack shit by sleeping with a man who is promised to another woman?  What does that say about my self-esteem and self-worth?  What kind of woman does that make me at the end of the day?  If you simply want sex and no strings, there are plenty of single people out there who would be happy to roll around with you and never call you again, so there’s no excuse for going to someone who’s married.  If you want a sugar daddy/mommy, there’s also plenty of them out there who have yet to put a ring on their finger.  If you’re looking for love, do you really want the love of someone who is willing to cheat on someone they love(d) enough to marry?  I can’t imagine ever being secure with a man who left his wife to be with me; I’d always fear for the next new chick to come along and cause his eyes to wander.

Except for those instances where the married party fails to disclose their marriage, both parties are at fault for beginning and carrying on a relationship.  A man can throw the greatest lines at you, buy you diamonds, offer vacations, and come off as the most fantastic person to ever grace the Earth with his presence, but if he’s married he is OFF LIMITS.  Period.  His appeal is no excuse for carrying on with him.  As for the married part of this, don’t get married if you’re not done dogging around.  You can’t love your spouse AND sleep around, it doesn’t work that way.  Cheating doesn’t have a place in a relationship with true love; if you need or want to cheat, separate beforehand and then have at it.  If that’s too much work, keep your pants tightly belted on and keep your hands to yourself.

We all make mistakes and have moments of weakness, stupidity, bad judgment, foolishness, and regret.  It’s forgivable to fall in love with a married man, as emotions are tough to control.  It’s unforgivable to act on those feelings and taint his marriage, even if he says it’s all right.  It’s okay to want to recapture your childhood, find a sitter for the kids on Saturday, and go out and party like you’re in college.  It’s not okay to take a married guy home and give him an anatomy lesson.  Even if you find yourself in a near-perfect sneaky scenario, you’ve got to understand that people are smarter than you give them credit for and chances are, the spouse will find out, their kids will find out, and so will your kids.  What kind of piss poor parent wants to teach their child that marriage doesn’t mean shit and promises of love come with unfaithful acts and chances of catching a disease?

Listen ladies, the guy isn’t leaving his wife for you.  I don’t care what he says, it’s not going to happen.  It’s pillow talk to make your dress come off quicker.  Even if it’s just a fling, it’s still an equal amount of wrong.  There is not one single solitary reason under the sun that makes it okay to get involved with a married person.  Chicks have enough trouble being taken seriously and not being just a pair of boobs to the majority of guys, don’t devalue our gender more by making it okay for a married man to make you his piece on the side.  Have some self-respect.


About Jamie C. Baker

“Long time no see. I only pray the caliber of your questions has improved.” - Kevin Smith

Posted on March 13, 2012, in Family, Kids, Life, Love and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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