Love Is Blind Unless We Disagree

I was incredibly excited to see The Real L Word back for its 3rd season on Showtime and I forced my husband to watch it with me as soon as we had a free hour and DVR access.  The third season kicked off [SPOILERS] by introducing some new ladies and by catching up with the ladies from seasons 1 and 2.  Romi, who has been around since the beginning, has finally decided to come out this season and did so in the first episode.  By come out I mean she revealed she is dating her ex.  A man.

I’m married to a guy, so obviously I’m not a member of the LGBT community and can’t see things fully from their point of view, but my reaction to seeing Romi’s new boyfriend was “Wow, really?  Weird.”  End of story.  It struck me as odd at first, but Romi has gone through a lot of changes since the middle of season 2.  She decided to get sober, which resulted in alienation from her friends who still drank and a break up with her girlfriend Kelsey who was also a drinker.  As she worked to become sober, she was forced to grow as a person and transition from party girl into businesswoman.  It stands to reason that her major life changes were a huge factor in pushing her back into the arms of her ex.  Who happens to be a man.

The reaction from the ladies was not as kind; it turns out it is not looked upon kindly for someone to begin dating the opposite sex after establishing themselves as gay or lesbian.  From what the L Word ladies said, it’s not uncommon for that person to be shunned by the entire LGBT community.  I’m not sure if it’s looked at as an insult, but it seems to be a major offense.  Romi was judged and viewed as a woman who was never a lesbian, just someone who wanted to play with girls for a while.

In the preview for upcoming episodes, Romi sarcastically commented that she guessed she was not a lesbian when she was eating pussy and falling in love with women.  She’s upset, and understandably so.  The LGBT community is one who has fought and continues to fight for equality.  They ask for understanding, for people to be open minded and respectful of their choices, and they want to be free to live and love as they wish.  This is what makes it so difficult for me to understand why they are faulting Romi for finding love and happiness with a person who just happens to have a penis.

For those of you who have seen The Real L Word, you are familiar with Romi and know she isn’t simply one of those women who goes around kissing other girls because she thinks it’s trendy or hot.  She established relationships with women, had all kinds of sex with women, lived with girlfriends, fell in love and had her heart shattered by women.  If anything, Romi is bisexual, which should not be something that should be shunned by the lesbians on the show or elsewhere.  Romi is showing the world that love knows no gender and has no gender, and if I’m not mistaken, that is something the LGBT claims is true about themselves.

I fully support the LGBT community and hope to one day see same sex couples able to marry countrywide.  I hope a man loving another man is eventually no longer a stigma, but just another couple in the crowd.  I don’t see how this can happen though when the LGBT community is discriminating against itself.  You can’t demand equality and then refuse to give it to your own community.  You can’t fault a woman for loving a man, then get mad because people don’t understand a woman loving a woman.  Romi did nothing wrong; she was not deceptive or shady, she wasn’t a spy sent to infiltrate the lesbian community, she is simply someone who was looking for love and found it.  She looked into a person’s soul rather than in their pants and fell in love with what lies beneath the surface.  I hope the rest of season 3 shows more acceptance towards Romi’s choice, because as it is, the discrimination against her is making a lot of people look like hypocrites.


About Jamie C. Baker

“Long time no see. I only pray the caliber of your questions has improved.” - Kevin Smith

Posted on July 18, 2012, in Fear, Life, Love, TV/Movies and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Keep on telling it as it is Jamie. Bias occurs on both sides of the spectrum. It seems to be an unfortunate part of the human equation, whether it be sexual persuasion or racial type. The onus is always on those who are in the majority because of the power differential, but bias is bias and it needs to be recognized and eliminated regardless of the source.

  2. My gadar hit the roof when I saw Romis new love interest…. Jay is very gay. She is very confused period , i hope she finds happiness may it be that beautiful unicorn Kelsey or Jay the Banana ….

  3. Love this!
    I couldn’t agree with you more…as a girl with a guy myself, I’m surrounded by an amazing circle of friends representing each letter of LGBT. And what I’ve found, is that it’s not uncommon for straight folk to be the first ones to point out hypocrisy amongst the LGBT community. Ya can’t pick and choose who gets rights, kiddies. There’s a B in LGBT for a reason…and it doesn’t stand for “bigots” either, so knock it off!

  4. I am currently going through what Romi did. I consided myself a lesbian. I came out 3 yrs ago, went through hell and back with my family and had my heart broken too many times by my ex gfs but lately I have found myself having connections with men. I feel ashamed and confused about my feelings…Im afraid to tell any of my LGBT friends for fear of judgement and rejection no to mention being nervous about telling my family. I kinda feel like it should be about feelings now not gender.

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