Your Cheating Heart
Posted by Jamie C. Baker
A friend of mine recently ended a relationship, then learned that their ex had been unfaithful during their relationship. I didn’t know my friend’s ex that well, having only met her once for dinner and a concert, and even then we didn’t speak to each other much, but the ex didn’t strike me as someone who would cheat. My friend is one of the nicest people I know and it kills me to know that they had to go through that. Even though the relationship was over when the news was revealed, the sting of being cheated on isn’t any less than it would be if it was revealed during the relationship. Bottom line: It sucks.
The guy I had a serious relationship with prior to my husband ended up cheating on me twice. It was during a time when we had to live apart due to financial hardships. I found out he had slept with two waitresses I knew from a bar we frequented, and on one of those occasions where he was unfaithful, he ended up coming back to my bed almost immediately after doing the nasty with someone else. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. It was the only time I’ve truly been cheated on (to my knowledge) and it pained me for a long time afterward. I tried to make it work but it eventually failed for more reasons than I can list. The cheating was definitely high on the list of reasons I left though and is something no one should tolerate or have to experience.
One of the things that bothered me about my situation was that a mutual friend of ours had a front row seat to the cheating and didn’t say a word to me. I was left blissfully ignorant until my ex got drunk one night and told me in an attempt to make me cry. In retrospect, I can’t blame him for not telling me about the indiscretions. Chances were that I wouldn’t have believed a word of it and would have just become angry at my friend. It also was not the responsibility of my friend to break this news to me; he was an unwilling participant and just happened to be present during a date with my ex’s temporary new woman. I was angry at my friend when I discovered that he knew, but I eventually came to my senses and quit blaming him (and the waitress) for something that wasn’t their doing.
The reasons people cheat are generally the same across the board. One person feels ignored or unfulfilled in part of their relationship and looks to fill the gaps with another person. One person feels inadequate and desires a person to tell them they’re beautiful and worthwhile. The sex isn’t what it used to be or the conversations have run stale. The cheater is insecure and needs to seek out people who will cure their insecurities temporarily with loving words and sexual attraction. One person gets afraid of commitment and rushes into the arms of another in order to find solace. The cheater simply gets a kick out of playing two or more people without being found out. There are many reasons, but none of them are any good.
Not every relationship is meant to go the distance and it’s perfectly normal and fine for feelings to change and for people to want to move on to bigger and better things. It’s unfair to yourself and to your partner to stay in a relationship that isn’t making you both happy. The solution is easy though; be honest and move on properly. Maybe the two of you need a bit of time apart in order to learn to be strong together, maybe you’re a few years away from being ready for love, or maybe you both need to stop holding on to something that doesn’t work. It’s better to break a heart through a breakup than break a heart through infidelity. It’s easier to come back and salvage a relationship that had a clean break than salvage one that ended because you decided to sleep around with other people.
I’m angry at my friend’s ex for their actions, not only because my friend didn’t deserve it, but because it was completely unnecessary. The ex could have easily asked for some time apart, expressed frustration with some part of the relationship, or just said “screw you, I’m done.” It’s difficult to do, but I’m glad I chose to end things with my college boyfriend instead of cheating on him when he moved four hours away from me for work. Hurting someone with a breakup is rough but it’s worlds better than hurting someone by sharing yourself with another person behind their back. It’s the difference between being the one that got away and the dirty whore that wasted two years of someone’s life.
I think my friend will be better off without their ex, but it’s still a shame that things weren’t handled properly so that at the very least they could have remained friends. Thankfully, my friend is a strong and level-headed person who will get past this nonsense quickly and move on to someone who appreciates, loves and respects them. The plus side to being cheated on is that it not only makes you a stronger person, it shows you the dirty side of love. It’s a learning experience that allows you to avoid people of bad character in the future. It discourages you from being a cheater yourself since you’ve been on the wrong end of it and know the damage it does. It separates you from a person who didn’t deserve you and allows you to move on without guilt. Cheaters may never learn, but that’s okay because the ones left in their wake end up shining like diamonds while the guilty parties stumble through the mud.
About Jamie C. Baker“Long time no see. I only pray the caliber of your questions has improved.” - Kevin Smith
Posted on May 23, 2013, in Friends and/or Enemies, Life, Love and tagged break up, cheating, divorce, engaged, hate, heartbreak, honesty, liar, love, lying, marriage, unfaithful, waitress. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.