Mr Cranky Pants
My husband and I have been taking advantage of being childless (my son is visiting with his grandparents) and going to the movies as often as we possibly can. We’ve seen Man Of Steel for the second time, World War Z, and most recently This Is The End. We had to drive a bit to see This Is The End, as our local theater had already taken it out of rotation to make room for newer films. I expected the theater to be fairly empty, but it was almost a sold out show, so we did not have the luxury of empty seats around us.
The movie was absolutely hilarious and the theater was filled with laughter for the entire movie. Mostly. I was unfortunately seated next to a man who looked to be in his 60s. He was there with his date who had a big bag of popcorn, a large soda, and seemed to be really into the movie. I was initially happy that the man wasn’t going to be eating popcorn and crunching in my ear, but his behavior was far worse than I could have imagined. It was as if he had bought a ticket, thinking he was about to see a classical movie and was shocked and appalled that Seth Rogen was making dick jokes.
It began slowly, with lots of loud sighs when the rest of the theater was erupting with laughter. It then escalated to comments like “look at these homos,” “what idiots,” “how stupid can you be,” and so on. Any time we would laugh, the old man would complain. He did let loose with a few small giggles, but they were always followed with a comment about how gross, idiotic, or homo the scene was. When he wasn’t complaining, he was grabbing at his crotch and elbowing me; I eventually had to take my purse and create a barrier between us in order to get his clammy elbow out of my seating area, something that earned me a very annoyed glare.
The crotch grabbing was by far the most disturbing part of his behavior, one both my husband and I silently agreed to call him out on if it continued. But aside from his penis fascination, his attitude confused the life out of me. I’ve had a crappy experience at this particular AMC before and was given free passes by management to make up for it. Surely if this man was disgusted with This Is The End, a word with management could have eased him into another film and calmed his nerves. Surely he realized that no one, including his date, paid $10 to sit in a theater and hear him complain about James Franco making jokes about weed. It’s not anyone else’s problem if he is offended by Craig Robinson’s “Take Your Panties Off” t-shirt!
When the movie arrived at the scene where a giant demon appeared on screen, flashing its massive swinging dick on the screen, I thought this man was going to have a heart attack. “This is just awful,” “how disgusting,” and more loud obnoxious sighs. Sir, I get that it’s crude humor, but what in the holy hell did you expect when you bought your ticket? This is a movie from SETH ROGEN! I’ve seen Rogen in more serious roles (Take This Waltz, for example) but he’s always cussing, always laughing in a way that grates on many people’s nerves, and almost always smoking weed. You do NOT go to a movie starring Seth Rogen and expect a classy film that is fun for the whole family. You go to a movie starring Seth Rogen and expect stoner humor, dick jokes, and profanity.
I have to assume that this is normal behavior for this old man, as his date wasn’t fazed by his loud mouth in the least. Thankfully, my purse-barrier held and kept his gross elbow from touching me, but there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about his comments. My husband mocked his loud sigh once and I said “leave if you don’t like it” after one of his many “homo” comments, but not a single thing silenced him until the credits rolled and he awkwardly made his way out of the theater. On a different day, his behavior would have been enough to ruin the experience for me, but I was full of sushi and the movie was making me laugh far too often for my mood to dip.
Part of me wishes that I had gotten in his wrinkled old face and told him to shut the hell up or get the hell out. Surely I was not the only one who wanted to do that; he earned quite a few angry glances from the row in front of him. But my self control, combined with not wanting to ruin the movie for myself, stopped me from getting loud. I wanted to fight fire with fire, but there’s no telling how the old man would have reacted and what he would have done. I wanted to grab an employee to tell him to shut the hell up, but all that would have done was caused me to miss parts of the movie (and it might not have worked anyway). So I did the bare minimum and was later left wondering why the hell I even bother going to movie theaters anymore.
If you want to talk your way through a movie, that’s your right. But do us all a favor and Redbox that movie so you can annoy only the people who are stuck in the house with you. When you are in a public theater, you need to shut your damn mouth, stay in your own seat, keep your phone away, eat like a human being, and quit being an annoyance to people around you! If the movie isn’t to your liking, haul your ass out of the seat and go complain your way into a refund or free passes. Above all else, remember to act like a decent human being and have some respect for those around you. And keep your hands out of your crotch. Freaking weirdo.
Posted on July 8, 2013, in Crazy People, TV/Movies and tagged amc, comedy, craig robinson, dirty old man, james franco, man of steel, miserable, movie theater annoyances, movies, rude, seth rogen, this is the end, world war z. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.