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Hell In A Cell. Kind Of.

Hell In A Cell aired last night, WWE’s second Pay Per View of the month of October.  After two previous lackluster events, I had high hopes for this PPV and expected to be blown away.  WWE owed the fans that much after giving us two of the worst PPV events that I’ve ever seen.  The scheduled preshow was going to be Big E Langston against Curtis Axel for the Intercontinental Championship, but was changed due to an injury suffered by Axel; unsure if this is legit or storyline.  Instead, we got Damien Sandow versus Kofi Kingston.  The match was about ten minutes long and was pretty solid, giving fans high hopes for a great PPV.  Sandow won over Kofi and made me expect to see him cash in his Money In The Bank contract later on in the night.  (All photos are courtesy of Bleacher Report)

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The PPV began with a triple threat match for the Tag Team Championship.  Reigning champs Cody Rhodes and Goldust went up against The Usos and two members of the Shield, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins.  As a triple threat match, I had expected to see three men in the ring at all times.  Instead, it was one on one with competitors able to tag in members of other teams if they so chose.  I was let down by that, but the six men put on a hell of a show.  I was jumping off the couch at some points when it looked like the Shield and the Usos were close to victory.  At the end, Cody hit Rollins with a beautiful Cross Rhodes and scored a victory.  This was without a doubt my favorite match of the evening.

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Next up, The Miz came out to run a promo regarding the attack on him by the Wyatt Family.  Miz dared Bray Wyatt to come at him and Wyatt responded by sending Luke Harper and Eric Rowan out into the ring.  I was a bit confused as to why this made the PPV until Kane’s music hit, fire flared, and the big red monster made his return.  Kane threw the two Wyatt family giants out of the ring to save Miz, but then surprised Miz with a chokeslam.  Kane is back with a vengeance and it seems that he is returning to his heel status.  Very happy to see him back.

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Following Kane’s return, we get a tag team match between The Great Khali and Natalya versus Fandango and Summer Rae.  On a PPV.  Fantastic.  This match belongs on Smackdown, or as a preshow match; it is ridiculous to put this on a PPV, although it is great for Summer to have her in-ring debut on Hell In A Cell.  Other than the silver lining for Summer, this match was garbage.  Natalya was the only redeeming part of this, as she is an incredible talent and put Summer through the ringer.  However, in spite of her efforts, the scrawny Summer pinned her for the win.  What.  A.  Waste.  I’m incredibly tired of seeing these kind of matches, where a tiny girl does the impossible for a win.  It takes credibility out of an already weak Diva’s division.

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After that nonsense match, Big E Langston got a match against United States Champion Dean Ambrose in a championship match.  This was a pretty solid match and I’m really starting to get behind Big E.  The competitors got very physical and Big E suffered a cut underneath his eye.  Ambrose definitely made him work during this match, but it was clear that there was no way he could cleanly defeat the big man.  Unfortunately, in what is becoming a typical Shield move, Ambrose allowed himself to be counted out and Big E picked up the victory, but not the title.  I would like to see this revisited and have Big E get a second swing at the title.  He’d make a great champ, especially with his recent face turn, and it’s high time that Ambrose drops the title to someone else.

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Finally, it is time for our first Hell In A Cell match; CM Punk versus Ryback and Paul Heyman.  Heyman was carried to the ring on a left, driven by someone who must have never driven a left in his life.  Heyman was placed on top of the cell, making the handicap match into a one on one between Ryback and Punk.  The match started out strong, but quickly became very tedious and almost boring, which is unusual for a match involving Punk.  We had tables, we had kendo sticks, and we had an abrupt ending with Punk picking up the victory.  Punk then got on top of the cage to seek revenge on Heyman.  My husband and I were waiting for Heyman to be slammed through the cage (wishful thinking), but it was a solid beat down even without that little extra.  Overall, it was weak and very disappointing.

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Next up we have Los Matadores versus The Real Americans; Jack Swagger and Antonio Cesaro with Zeb Colter.  The second match in the PPV that belonged on Raw, Smackdown, or in the preshow.  The Matadores and their little Torito are a cute gimmick, but I hardly see how they are PPV worthy.  I found it very difficult to get into this match at all because I was so annoyed that creative decided to put this in the PPV.  The Matadores picked up a win and no one really cared either way.  I’m glad that Primo and Epico have found success in their new bullfighting characters, but this was just a silly match to have.  No one cares about this rivalry and the most interesting thing is seeing how racist Colter can get.  At least the Matadores finally got rid of those horrible bright pink masks.

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Following the bullfighters, we have the return of John Cena in a match against Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship.  To borrow words from my husband, these are the two most boring people in the WWE right now.  Del Rio’s character has become stale and Cena is… well, it’s Cena.  This match was exactly what you would expect; Del Rio attacked Cena’s recently healed arm and Cena did the five moves of doom while acting like a child.  And yes, Cena won and got the title, because the WWE loves to hand things over to their golden boy.  I expected Cena to win, but I had hoped that Sandow would swoop in on an exhausted Cena and steal the title from him.  Of course, that did not happen.

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After Cena cleared out, AJ Lee arrived to defend her title against Brie Bella.  I adore AJ and I love that she is now paired with the powerhouse Tamina Snuka.  It was clear that Brie didn’t have a chance in this match, but it was still fun to watch.  With both Tamina and Nikki ringside, there was a lot going on and quite a few distractions for the competitors.  Brie dominated early on, but having to keep an eye on Tamina proved to be her downfall.  She attempted to attack her but ended up hitting her sister instead, allowing AJ to get her in the Black Widow submission and forcing a tap.  AJ has proven to be unstoppable as of late and I’m eager to see who she goes up against next, as the feud with Brie should end now.

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The final match is our second Hell In A Cell match between Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.  The title has belonged to no one because of very questionable creative choices.  Triple H wants Orton as champ, the fans want Bryan.  With Shawn Michaels as special guest referee, it’s hard to tell how this match will go.  The pair got very physical, using the cage to their advantage and pushing each other to their limits.  Triple H made an appearance to argue the Heartbreak Kid’s techniques, possibly because he feared that HBK would favor Bryan.  This resulted in Michaels accidentally getting knocked out by the competitors as he was distracted.  When HBK came to, he hit Bryan with Sweet Chin Music and basically handed the title back to Orton.  Yes it was a good match, but they failed with the ending.  When the fans know what is coming weeks before it happens, you have failed.

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I haven’t a clue what WWE creative is thinking right now, or if they’re thinking at all.  This PPV should have been about redemption and should have been phenomenal to make up for two very lackluster PPVs previously.  It wasn’t.  Cody Rhodes and Goldust were once again the only redeeming part of a very expensive three hour event.  I could not be more annoyed with Cena and Orton winning the titles; we saw this coming from miles away and we all know that there were better ways to do this.  Stale doesn’t being to describe what the WWE has become, and it boggles my mind that they aren’t even trying to fix things anymore.  I hope tonight’s Raw does something dramatic to put a positive spin on last night’s disastrous PPV, but given what has been going on lately, I am a fan without hope.

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About Jamie C. Baker

“Long time no see. I only pray the caliber of your questions has improved.” - Kevin Smith

Posted on October 28, 2013, in Sports, TV/Movies and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. My phone browser crashed after I had written a quite long response about how I see the current state of things…I will be recreating that because I’m a blow hard but for now I say…

    No big shocker it was lackluster and the booking as far as order of matches….dafuq….shows the tag titles are worthless and yet two tag teams headline over the so called number one contenders and the champions…

    Lots more to say but I may not end up posting it…I’ll still be writing it in any case…hahaha

  2. The tag team title scene is one of the most interesting in the company right now, but fans shouldn’t expect a monumental change in the triple threat tag match. While WWE is considering giving the titles back to The Shield, the Rhodes Brothers have been great thus far and the company shouldn’t consider taking the titles yet.

  3. On the October 14th edition of Raw, Cody Rhodes and Goldust defeated Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns of The Shield to win the WWE Tag Team Championship . The next week, Rollins and Reigns fought The Usos (the previous number one contenders) for the next title shot, which ended in a no contest due to Rhodes and Goldust (who was on commentary during this match) attacking a taunting Dean Ambrose . All three teams were then announced to compete in a triple threat match for the titles, by Triple H .

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