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Be Gentle

I don’t have very many female friends.  It’s not because I loathe other women, have issues with jealousy, or am incapable of getting along with people of the same gender.  I find that being friends with guys just happens to be easier.  They can be just as dramatic as females can, but I seem to mesh better with them.  I’ve also had my fair share of bad luck in the past when it comes to other women.  I went through middle school with a friend who would run off and date any guy I even mentioned was cute in passing.  I’ve had women older than me act like petty children and attempt to sabotage certain areas of my life.  I’ve had females say they’re my friends and then say horrible things about me when my back is turned.  I’ve become insanely selective about what females I’m friends with and how close I allow them to get.

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I recently found out that a female I was casual friends with, in her words, “never liked me.”  We stopped talking after she had a falling out with someone I’m close to, which is when the never liking me comment was made.  In the grand scheme of things, it’s not a big deal whatsoever.  Hell, she could have just been heated and said it to get a reaction out of the other person with no ill will meant towards me at all.  I have no idea and no intention of finding out.  But damn it, I am more bothered by this second-hand information than I have any right to be.  She and I don’t really have much in common and if not for mutual acquaintances, probably would never have met and spent time together.  We are two very different people.  Even so, I never ever had the slightest hint that she felt this way.

I’m an annoying twat who can be incredibly bitchy at times, I’ll admit it.  We’re all somewhat intolerable at times; none of us are perfect and we all manage to get on someone’s nerves throughout the day.  I’m at the point in my life to where I refuse to put myself in situations that make me unhappy.  If I don’t care for someone, I’m not going to waste my time around them.  I don’t see the point of making myself miserable just to try to keep the peace when I can just not put myself in certain situations and make everyone happy.  If she truly never liked me, I don’t really understand why she not only was more than willing to be around me, but talked to me one on one when she had no reason or obligation to do so.

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This is a very personal problem that shouldn’t be a problem to begin with.  She has a right to say whatever she wants; whether it was out of anger and not meant to be malicious or if it was 100% truthful, it doesn’t and shouldn’t matter to me.  She’s not a bad person, and neither am I.  She didn’t say anything that was even all that bad.  My initial reaction was to feel attacked, and that is the wrong way to feel and the wrong thing to hold on to.  It’s the reason so many chicks are at each other’s throats all the time.  One innocent offhand remark snowballs into something monstrous and evil because we’re mentally incapable of shrugging anything off and moving on with our day.  It’s taking me nearly a week to finally decide that someone never liking me isn’t something I need to feel bad about.  That’s pretty pathetic.

I’ve been doing a lot of growing up lately when it comes to my relationships with other females.  Knowing that I can’t please everyone is something I’m still working on.  Knowing that assuming all women are nuts is a huge mistake is something I only recently learned.  Knowing that basing present relationships on past ones is stupid regardless of the type of relationship is something that also only recently slapped me across the face.  It’s all basic information that I refused to accept due to my fear of the past repeating itself over and over again.  If not for unrelated recent events, I’d probably be busy overreacting to her comment right now and posting a WTF blog instead of this one.  Believe it or not, me being slightly bothered for nearly a week and then writing this is a major improvement.

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It’s a shame that I can’t go back to visit my younger self and cram some sense into my crazy brain, but being able to behave like a rational person for once in this type of situation is pretty big for me.  This small thing has made me look at other things going on in my life and realizing that so little of it matters.  My coworkers are temporary fixtures in my life and I can’t afford to waste time worrying about making each and every one of them happy (or stressing over the BS they bring into the office, like my old pal Tubberpottimus did).  I have to understand the difference between friends and acquaintances and not expect the same out of both.  I sure as hell don’t like everyone I deal with, not everyone is going to like me, and that should be the least important piece of my day.

My husband and I are currently taking another big step in life together (not a baby… no one mention baby) and that has played a major part in getting me focused on what is important rather than on things that simply make me uncomfortable, hurt my feelings, or are otherwise superficial and meaningless.  I don’t want to be alone and lonely ten years from now because I was unable and unwilling to quit overreacting about everything that everyone does to me or around me.  I don’t want to become a bitter person who thinks the world is out to get her.

So, former friend/acquaintance/chick I used to know… I’m sorry if you never liked me.  Sometimes I don’t like me either, so I get it.  But I like you.  Sure, we could never be best of friends, but I always had a blast hanging out with you.  I’d love it if we could be civil when we see each other, but I won’t be offended any longer if you choose to act as if we’ve never met.  The bottom line is that I’m not angry, I’m not upset, and I harbor no ill will.  It took five days and a thousand words after I heard what you said, but I’m good.  We’re good.  And if one day down the road, a month from now or five years from now, things change and our paths intersect once again, I promise we will start with a perfectly clean slate.

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