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Be Gentle

I don’t have very many female friends.  It’s not because I loathe other women, have issues with jealousy, or am incapable of getting along with people of the same gender.  I find that being friends with guys just happens to be easier.  They can be just as dramatic as females can, but I seem to mesh better with them.  I’ve also had my fair share of bad luck in the past when it comes to other women.  I went through middle school with a friend who would run off and date any guy I even mentioned was cute in passing.  I’ve had women older than me act like petty children and attempt to sabotage certain areas of my life.  I’ve had females say they’re my friends and then say horrible things about me when my back is turned.  I’ve become insanely selective about what females I’m friends with and how close I allow them to get.

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I recently found out that a female I was casual friends with, in her words, “never liked me.”  We stopped talking after she had a falling out with someone I’m close to, which is when the never liking me comment was made.  In the grand scheme of things, it’s not a big deal whatsoever.  Hell, she could have just been heated and said it to get a reaction out of the other person with no ill will meant towards me at all.  I have no idea and no intention of finding out.  But damn it, I am more bothered by this second-hand information than I have any right to be.  She and I don’t really have much in common and if not for mutual acquaintances, probably would never have met and spent time together.  We are two very different people.  Even so, I never ever had the slightest hint that she felt this way.

I’m an annoying twat who can be incredibly bitchy at times, I’ll admit it.  We’re all somewhat intolerable at times; none of us are perfect and we all manage to get on someone’s nerves throughout the day.  I’m at the point in my life to where I refuse to put myself in situations that make me unhappy.  If I don’t care for someone, I’m not going to waste my time around them.  I don’t see the point of making myself miserable just to try to keep the peace when I can just not put myself in certain situations and make everyone happy.  If she truly never liked me, I don’t really understand why she not only was more than willing to be around me, but talked to me one on one when she had no reason or obligation to do so.

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This is a very personal problem that shouldn’t be a problem to begin with.  She has a right to say whatever she wants; whether it was out of anger and not meant to be malicious or if it was 100% truthful, it doesn’t and shouldn’t matter to me.  She’s not a bad person, and neither am I.  She didn’t say anything that was even all that bad.  My initial reaction was to feel attacked, and that is the wrong way to feel and the wrong thing to hold on to.  It’s the reason so many chicks are at each other’s throats all the time.  One innocent offhand remark snowballs into something monstrous and evil because we’re mentally incapable of shrugging anything off and moving on with our day.  It’s taking me nearly a week to finally decide that someone never liking me isn’t something I need to feel bad about.  That’s pretty pathetic.

I’ve been doing a lot of growing up lately when it comes to my relationships with other females.  Knowing that I can’t please everyone is something I’m still working on.  Knowing that assuming all women are nuts is a huge mistake is something I only recently learned.  Knowing that basing present relationships on past ones is stupid regardless of the type of relationship is something that also only recently slapped me across the face.  It’s all basic information that I refused to accept due to my fear of the past repeating itself over and over again.  If not for unrelated recent events, I’d probably be busy overreacting to her comment right now and posting a WTF blog instead of this one.  Believe it or not, me being slightly bothered for nearly a week and then writing this is a major improvement.

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It’s a shame that I can’t go back to visit my younger self and cram some sense into my crazy brain, but being able to behave like a rational person for once in this type of situation is pretty big for me.  This small thing has made me look at other things going on in my life and realizing that so little of it matters.  My coworkers are temporary fixtures in my life and I can’t afford to waste time worrying about making each and every one of them happy (or stressing over the BS they bring into the office, like my old pal Tubberpottimus did).  I have to understand the difference between friends and acquaintances and not expect the same out of both.  I sure as hell don’t like everyone I deal with, not everyone is going to like me, and that should be the least important piece of my day.

My husband and I are currently taking another big step in life together (not a baby… no one mention baby) and that has played a major part in getting me focused on what is important rather than on things that simply make me uncomfortable, hurt my feelings, or are otherwise superficial and meaningless.  I don’t want to be alone and lonely ten years from now because I was unable and unwilling to quit overreacting about everything that everyone does to me or around me.  I don’t want to become a bitter person who thinks the world is out to get her.

So, former friend/acquaintance/chick I used to know… I’m sorry if you never liked me.  Sometimes I don’t like me either, so I get it.  But I like you.  Sure, we could never be best of friends, but I always had a blast hanging out with you.  I’d love it if we could be civil when we see each other, but I won’t be offended any longer if you choose to act as if we’ve never met.  The bottom line is that I’m not angry, I’m not upset, and I harbor no ill will.  It took five days and a thousand words after I heard what you said, but I’m good.  We’re good.  And if one day down the road, a month from now or five years from now, things change and our paths intersect once again, I promise we will start with a perfectly clean slate.

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Cranky Comments

I recently received a comment on my blog, A True Masterchef, regarding Ben Starr who was a season two contestant on Masterchef.  The comment is:

Ben Starr is an opinionated and infantile nuisance! He has had his fifteen minutes and now that he is on the outs he has done nothing but ‘screw’ the integrity of the contract that he signed with masterchef. He thinks that he has the right to ‘correct’ everybody who thinks contrary to his thoughts about masterchef and about reality TV and if you disagree with him, he will do everything he can to defile your position: only Ben Starr can be right! Ben Starr is a very dangerous person. He dresses his persona up in this very passive….’gooey…ga..ga..type’ but when you challenge him on his ideologies that he espouses on his blogs, he goes absolutely nuts and he edits your responses and then threatens you!
Ben Starr is no sweetheart.
People need to read and I mean really read everything this guy writes about. He is extremely shallow…a fine example of a person that given a little bit of knowledge….can be extremely dangerous!

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You can read Ben Starr’s so-called dangerous thoughts on his blog by clicking here.  When he’s not writing about Masterchef, he writes about his travels, the animals he loves and raises for food, instructions on how to properly cook certain things, and other wonderful food-related topics.  He also addresses more serious issues such as the recent passing of season three Masterchef contestant Josh Marks, the struggles our homosexual community faces, and the dangers of reality television in general for the participants.  He has not only been a help to me directly via Twitter and his blog, but he has helped many people and continues to educate those who wish to listen.  A fame whore he is not.

This is not about Ben though.  This is about my commenter.  This is a person who chose to read a blog of mine that was about Christine Ha that only briefly mentioned Ben.  This person chose to ignore the real topic and instead attack a person who quite honestly has been nothing but genuine and straightforward.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion of course, but I cannot understand why it was necessary to call him dangerous and accuse him of editing responses.  I cannot understand why certain people only make the effort to comment on something when they have something negative to say.

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It is not necessary to insult someone in this way, especially on a posting that has very little to do with that person.  If someone is truly evil or dangerous, why not address that person directly on their own site, via email, or in another fashion?  What good is being done by telling me that someone I enjoy will threaten me if I ever disagree with him?  It’s petty and silly and wholly unnecessary.  If the goal is to educate me or assist me, provide me with facts and/or proof of your claims.  There are a few people who visit here on a regular basis who do exactly this; they give me links that educate, information that is backed up by concrete evidence, and opinions that are based on fact.  Those comments are meaningful and those comments matter.  The drivel above does nothing but irritate my eyes.

The ability to comment anonymously can be great for those who are normally afraid to open up, but it also makes it easier for cowards to come out of the woodwork and spout off with nonsense with the peace of mind that no one can really confront them or out them.  It makes it easy for people to be intolerant, abusive, or obnoxious.  Someone afraid to say F*ck Obama to their peers can do so without fear in the comments section of a news site, shielded by a fake email address or a guest posting.  The freedom to be whoever you want to be online has made people in general act hostile, cruel, and too often like children.

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Surely we can find a way to express our opinions without littering them in places that aren’t appropriate, attacking people who don’t deserve it, or speaking as if we’ve never taking an English class in our lives.  I don’t care that my commenter doesn’t like Ben.  I care that they chose to post unsubstantiated claims on my posting about a totally different person and did so in a matter that makes them sound like a child.  That isn’t why I started this blog.  I welcome discussions; key word being discussion.  If someone wants to go off on a rant, do it, but do some thinking while your fingers fly across the keyboard.  Without effort, your words are meaningless.

The above comment did not change my opinion, did not educate me, did not humor me, and did not accomplish anything the poster likely set out to do.  Other than give me something to talk about while I try to wake up on this fine Thursday morning, it was for nothing.  Wasted effort on their part and probably too much wasted time on mine.  The internet is such a fantastic tool, yet we use it for the dumbest possible things.  All it takes is a few more minutes to come up with something that can either make someone laugh or make someone think.  If you’re going to take the time to say something, say something that matters.

YOU ARE SO WRONG

After a blogging hiatus, my husband made his triumphant return with a review of the film The Good Doctor.  This was a movie that neither of us enjoyed with an ending that was so jarring and abrupt, we went back twice to make sure our disc wasn’t skipping past the actual end of the film.  We both went in excited, especially since JK Simmons (Oz) and Wade Williams (Prison Break) were both part of the cast, but the pair barely received any screen time, plus the time they we given seemed very awkward.  My husband’s review goes into great detail and I invite you to read it here:  http://theearthtourist.com/2013/03/05/the-miles-away-from-being-good-doctor/

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A few hours after the posting, he received a (yet to be approved at the time of this posting) comment from a female who did not take a liking to what he had to say.  Unfortunately, her counter argument left me feeling as empty and confused as the movie itself.  I love a good debate and I enjoy the back and forth that can come about when you have the chance to talk to someone who have a different view than your own.  I learn things on a regular basis from people who disagree with me when they provide information that I was either not aware of or was not well-informed on.  Differing opinions keep things quite interesting.

I wish that the commenter on my husband’s blog had presented something we had missed that would have made the film make a bit more sense.  Instead, she discussed Bloom’s sexy body and eyes after saying that the lack of clarity in the film was intentional.  She criticized my husband by assuming he rented this film thinking it was an action film filled with explosions and fighting.  She ignored the fact that the film’s ending was terrible and felt as if the last few pages of the script were lost and none of the crew noticed.  It was painfully obvious that she is a die-hard Bloom fan and was none too happy about someone being critical of his work.  Everyone is entitled to share their opinion and she chose to share hers, but I can’t help but wonder why she even bothered.

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It is incredibly easy to get someone to throw aggressive and silly negative remarks on a blog or news article, but can be somewhat of a challenge to get someone to either post something positive or to disagree intelligently.  We get caught up in the fight to be right and resort to playground argument techniques rather than try to have an adult conversation with another adult.  And while it sometimes is appropriate to throw out empty negative remarks at certain types of people, it’s not always worth the effort.  For me personally to weigh in on a random article or blog, I have to be very passionate about the subject matter and have something truly worthwhile to say.  If I disagree but cannot come up with the right words to do so, I move on with my day.

Movies discussions are one of those where it’s incredibly hard to be wrong because so much can be left up to interpretation and personal taste.  I enjoy horror and action over romance, so naturally I will generally have a higher opinion of a movie that strives to make my skin crawl than one that tries to make me cry.  I prefer certain actors over others (go to hell, Mark Walhberg) so certain films that feature my favorites will definitely rank higher than those who cast people I’m not too crazy about.  With films that are similar in style to The Good Doctor, there is no doubt that quite a bit of room is left open to allow the audience to speculate and decide character motives and certain elements of the back story.  I don’t see any worth in this film though, and the commenter ended up doing more harm than good as far as influencing my opinion.

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If you’re going to take time out of your day to stop your flow of activity and put your thoughts on the internet for all to see, be in anonymously or not, what’s the problem with putting a tiny bit of effort and thought into it?  If the only thing you have to add to the discussion is “you’re wrong, you suck” or something equally as useless, you’re better off simply making an internal critique and moving forward with your day.  If you’re going to provide a reason why the presented information is wrong, take some time to present a half decent argument.  I don’t even care at this point if someone is completely wrong and ill-informed as long as they put forth the effort and forgo the easy route.

We are all capable of leaving a comment that can inspire confusion, hate, or outrage.  It’s insanely simple to do and requires no more knowledge than knowing what pisses people off in general or can piss off the audience you suspect are going to read the article and see your remarks.  I’m 100% in support of equality when it comes to marriage and there are no shortage of news articles and blogs covering all sides of the argument.  If you’re against same-sex marriage, that’s fine, but have enough self-respect to express that intelligently rather than saying “homos are sinning and will burn forever!!!”  Both the intelligent comment and the thoughtless one can cause the same amount of rage and uproar, but at least one of them will do so for the right reason.

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Let’s disagree and let’s argue.  Let’s call people out when they’re wrong without fear or reservation.  Let’s add to existing articles and stories by injecting a piece of ourselves into them with our own stories and opinions.  Let’s speak up and speak out.  But while we’re doing so, can we also make good use of everyone’s time and use our big kid vocabulary and reasoning skills?  Even if you just want to get a laugh and leave a dirty comedic comment, put some thought into it and get creative rather than simply recycle jokes or use foul language for shock value.  Figure out what your goal is when leaving a comment (and yes, you need a goal) and aim for it.  If your sole reason for commenting is to blather on unintelligibly or cuss outlandishly so people cuss you back, please shut down your computer and go play outside.  Leave the internet for the grown ups.

Anger Monster!!

I am not a morning person.  Understatement of the year; I am the worst person to share a space with in the early hours of the day.  I generally don’t sleep through the night due to being easily woken up by our dog Ripley making himself comfortable or snoring, or my husband rolling over and rocking the bed.  Sometimes I’ll imagine I hear my alarm clock and be unable to drift back into slumber and sometimes it’s for no reason at all, but I always seem to lose precious sleep over something silly.  When I wake, I shower and take the dog outside before going to wake up the boy.  Normally I fight to get him up and dressed and at the table for breakfast; he has to eat prior to leaving for daycare because he will skip the breakfast they serve so he can play.  After the boy and pup dog are fed and I’m as prettied up as I’ll get, I head to the car to wait on my husband; we’ve worked in the same building for over a year now and ride together nearly every morning.  We bring the boy to daycare and then head to work.  Once we’re at the building, we have a decent hike across the parking lot before passing through security and finally making it to our desks.  I hate mornings.

This morning was grating on my nerves.  Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, mainly my son who took 35 minutes to eat a small plate of food which he didn’t even finish.  I was 5 minutes late to work due to a detour we had to take because of construction equipment parked in the middle of the road for no apparent reason; thankfully my husband dropped me at the door and saved me about ten minutes of walking time through the parking lot to my desk.  We also drive to work during the time kids are being picked up for school and always manage to get held up by a bus or two.  Once I got here, my office nemesis was being extra nosy and while I was at the printer, I caught her reaching for my schoolbooks and the pad I take notes on.  I guess she thought I wasn’t paying attention.

Understandably, my husband gets frustrated with me in the mornings.  I’m easily irritated and tend to be vocal about the things that bother me; whether it be the moron slamming on his brakes in front of us or the dog taking 10 minutes to find a good spot to pee.  He’s told me to relax, there’s nothing I can do to control or change the idiots on the road, I can’t make the pup dog take a leak any faster than he already does, nor can I turn my son into an obedient ball of energy first thing in the morning.  I’ve told him that I can’t help being a bit crazy in the morning; my internal wiring demands that I arrive at work early or the world will crumble.  I have insanely horrible road rage issues.  I have a low tolerance for stupidity in general.  I’m not built to handle annoyances well.  I’m surprised my husband hasn’t opened the car door and shoved me out.  Yet.

My husband, the voice of reason in our marriage, has also said to me that I shouldn’t act as if everyone is out to get me because they’re not.  I hate when he says this because it sounds silly.  Of course I don’t think the world is working against me.  When I look at it objectively though, I see his point.  When I’m behind the idiot driver who goes 20 MPH below the limit, I think “WHY is this guy driving like this??  Doesn’t he realize people need to get to work!!?!??”  Well, maybe he’s oblivious to the fact that it’s the morning rush hour, but eve if he is aware, it’s NOT HIS PROBLEM!  He doesn’t give a damn that he’s holding up traffic and he doesn’t have to.  My son doesn’t move like a snail in the morning to bother me, he does it because getting dressed and eating breakfast are not his top choices on what he would like to do in the early hours.  My husband doesn’t…. well, he definitely does do a few things here and there to get a rise out of me, but he doesn’t try to make us late to work, it just happens sometimes.  If I can just stop and think to myself that these events are not taking place in order to upset me, maybe I can avoid getting upset.

This logic unfortunately doesn’t work with my work nemesis, AKA Paula Deen, because this evil wench has proven time and again that she is indeed out to get me, I’m just fortunate that she’s too dumb to cause any real damage to anything but my nerves.  But how do I deal with her?  I can block out the 4 or 5 people who clip their nails at work and the loud chip crunchers to my right, but how do I block out Paula Deen, a woman the size of a small planet with a mouth bigger than the Cheshire Cat?  My husband has said that her goal is to annoy me and if I allow it, she wins.  For the most part, I act as though she’s invisible, but I still step away from my desk sometimes when she gets into a gossip groove and I tire of hearing her verbally assault her family or when she begins cracking her gum every ten seconds.  I’m not sure how to handle something like today though when she was nearly busted with her hands on my personal property.  A soldier headed towards my desk stopped her in her tracks and she was out the door before I could get back to my desk, but what would I have said if she managed to lay a fat finger on my things?  My instinct is to say “What the FUCK are you doing?” but I’d like to keep my job, so I’d probably drop the F-bomb.  She’s the most vile person I’ve ever worked with and none of the tactics I’ve used in the past to deal with difficult people work on her.  Other than leaving this office, I’m at a loss.  Unless….

It’s odd, when I’m in a customer service setting and forced to deal with obnoxious customers, I am okay because customers eventually leave, it’s my job, and I can mock them later with my coworkers to feel better.  Coworkers on the other hand, I’m stuck with.  Shitty drivers aren’t going anywhere.  My dog will continue to be a picky pup when going potty.  My son most likely inherited my hatred of mornings and won’t improve.  The only thing I can do is fix ME.  Learn to let annoyances slide off my back and not consume the early hours of the day.  Stop letting other people dictate whether or not I’m happy.  Quit allowing the anger monster to sit in the driver’s seat.  Sadly, I don’t have the slightest idea how to do it, but hopefully by using the small starting points that I have and putting my brain to use, I can reach a zen state of mind.  Or at least quit wishing people would fall off of cliffs.  I’ll take either one.

Blinding Intelligence

For the first time since becoming a part of the working force, I don’t have piles of work to be done at my job.  I have very few responsibilities and what I do have can easily be done in a short amount of time.  It’s nice, but boring at the same time.  Since I tend to go a bit crazy if I don’t have a lot to do, I look elsewhere for side projects to add to my to-do list at the office.  One of the soldiers, who is no longer in our office and who I assisted with a project a few months back, allowed me to begin scheduling video conferences for distance training.  It’s incredibly easy; I have to fill out two forms and email them over to the help desk who sets up the conference.  After it’s set, I forward the dial-up information to all the participants.  I’ve done this for teleconferences for months, so I was already familiar with the process.

I was setting up video conferences for about two months when we ran into an issue.  A major in my office set up her own video training classes during a week that we had other video classes already scheduled in our classroom.  She didn’t check with anyone first, nor did she inform anyone.  Since her class included people who traveled in from out of state, the classes I set up had to be moved.  On Tuesday of this week, a member of the accounting team realized she sent a video conference request to the wrong person, thinking it was me.  She called me when she discovered her error and I set up the conference.  It was pretty frustrating though to see these mistakes being made, but I was glad that I wasn’t the one making them.

Yesterday, all of the people who teach the video training classes met in the conference room by my desk.  They were discussing those two errors and trying to find out what had gone wrong.  One soldier kept insisting that all errors were because of me.  I had to be making a mistake somewhere.  Here’s my thing:  this soldier managed the calendar which lists all classes in our classroom, so he would be the one that would know of any scheduling conflicts.  I asked multiple people for viewing permissions for this calendar on multiple occasions and he never granted them, so sadly I was never able to see what classes were scheduled when except for the ones I personally set up.  Since he never allowed me to view it, and since the other soldier who double booked the room never told a soul what she was doing, I fail to see how it was my fault that she took the room when we had other things scheduled in it.  Second, the accounting team failed to inform me that they had an upcoming class and sent the original request to the wrong person (but they did CC the soldier who is blaming me, so who dropped the ball here?)  Since she didn’t tell me anything until Tuesday, I also fail to see how it is my fault that she submitted something to me late which resulted in the request also being sent late.  Plus, in the end it wasn’t a problem because I got the Thursday video conference set up by Tuesday afternoon, plenty of time to inform the states who would be involved.

If I screw up, I’ll take full responsibility and get it fixed.  But I didn’t screw up here!  This morning, one of the girls who does video training told me that I will no longer be setting up the classes and asks me if anyone told me that.  No, no one told me a damn thing!  What I don’t get here is why I get this responsibility taken away from me like I did something wrong.  I did nothing wrong here.  The simple solution to me would be to have me get viewing permissions to the calendar so nothing gets overbooked, get a listing of upcoming classes from everyone so I know what is upcoming and can ensure submissions get to me on time, and for the person who double booked the room (and everyone else) to understand that she can’t do that; she needs to check with the calendar manager prior to scheduling anything to ensure the room is open.  But no, their solution was to take me out of the equation as if I was the one who did something wrong.  This bothers me not because I’ll miss the work, but because it makes me look like a fuck-up.  And I didn’t fuck up.

What irks me further is that I was told in an offhand way that I would no longer be doing it.  They had decided this yesterday during their meeting, yet none of them thought to mention it to me, even though they all had to walk by my desk as they exited the conference room.  None of them asked for my input, none of them gave me the courtesy of an explanation, I basically got shit on for doing exactly what I should have been doing.  I got penalized for the mistakes of other people.  Someone had to be blamed and I feel like I was the easiest person to blame.  Well, I don’t see how anything that happened is my doing and I’m not about to sit here and let people look at me as the one who caused all these issues to happen.

Next week, when everyone who was in the meeting is back from leave, I believe I am going to have to say something.  I’m not happy with the way this played out and I don’t think I should have to let it slide as if it was nothing.  I’d feel differently if I had been able to speak in their meeting and I’d feel differently if I was properly approached or even questioned about what happened.  None of that happened and it’s just not right.  I don’t give a damn if I’m important in the eyes of my coworkers or not, the bottom line is I am not a doormat and I’m not going to allow them to treat me like one.

F M L

Today has officially gone to shit.  It started out poorly due to waking up before my alarm went off after a night of terrible sleep, then road construction making me late for work, combined with the soreness from our weekend in Chicago making me totally unmotivated.  That being said, I made an effort to focus on today being Tuesday and not Monday and only having 2 more work days until the weekend.  Yay for positive thinking?

I KNOW people out there have actual problems that make my whining look even sillier than it truly is.  This really isn’t the worst day I’ve ever had and isn’t the worst day I’ll have this year.  I just feel like complete and total crap.  I need to be home right now, away from people.  I miss my husband.  I miss the pup.  Hell, I miss the boy.

The thing that is making my day difficult really has little to do with the problems I had this morning.  I’m simply tired and I have no desire to waste what little energy I have on being nice to people who don’t deserve it.  Sadly, my desk is right at the front door and I have no choice but to smile and greet every joker who enters.  On top of all those people, I have one coworker who, while seeing I am busy, insists on standing 2 centimeters from me and asking me stupid questions.  Another coworker keeps calling me on issues that have NOTHING to do with me.  I may punch someone soon.

My hands are covered in purple ink and I’m not quite sure how that happened.  A website I need is currently giving me shit; it keeps asking me to reset my password and once it is reset, tells me it’s wrong and requests I reset it again.  I would love to call the 800 number to get it fixed, but sadly I am trying to call Comcast during my free moments to get my service turned off before they charge me again.  Comcast seems to be unable to assist me; they either put me on hold forever or tell me their system is down and to call back tomorrow.

This fat stinky old lady is standing up at my desk even though I told her twice to please have a seat and she will be called back when the doctor is ready for her.  How hard is it to understand?  Sit your ass down; standing up at my desk does not make anything go faster and only annoys me and blocks other patients from checking in or out.  Before her, I had this guy that was leaning so far over my desk, I was afraid he would fall on my keyboard.  Maybe he thought I was hard of hearing and I needed him to be 3 inches from my ear so I could hear him, I’m not sure.

End Rant.

Smile! It’s only a job!

Nearly every job I’ve held has required me to have a sunny and bright personality and to be happy as can be regardless of the situation.  From working a cash register to waiting tables to supervising in retail to now managing a medical front office, my fake smile is what has to carry me through the day.  I laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, I engage people in conversations when I don’t feel like talking, I listen to people discuss problems I don’t care about.  I am the fakest person in the world.

Anyone that has had to put on a happy face in order to perform their job duties knows how tiring it can get.  There are some days I begin to run out of niceness and I get the urge to start snapping at people.  I suppose this is the main reason I come home cranky most days; I use up all my good attutide trying to get through an 11 hour day of being nice to people who don’t deserve it.

At times, I dislike the part of myself that allows me to act so fake and friendly at my place of employment.  I feel like a phony at times.  I know I shouldn’t, especially since the reason I was hired for my current job is due to the fact that I am good at acting like I care and I always smile.  Regardless, I do wish that part of me didn’t exist because it makes me a liar of sorts.

Most days, I wish for a job where I don’t have to put on an act.  A job where I don’t have to pretend to like anyone I don’t actually enjoy being around.  A job where I’m allowed to cuss and throw things.  A job where I can refuse service to anyone I choose not to deal with for whatever reason, big or small, I happen to have.  If anyone knows where I can obtain such a job, please contact me immediately.

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