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Lovely Lady Lumps

A few days ago, I posted my list of most desirable males in response to’s less than acceptable list of desirable females.  Their list was awful, mostly in how high certain lovely ladies were ranked, but in part by some of the women who made the list to begin with.  To be fair, I would also like to post my top ten list of most desirable females.  Let’s keep the lesbian jokes to a minimum, shall we?


10.  Michelle Williams.  I want to call her a MILF, but I also feel guilty doing so because she looks so damn innocent to me for some reason.  Despite some of the roles she’s played, I don’t see her as sexy.  She does however embody true classic beauty.


9.  Avril Lavigne.  She loses some hot points for dating half a Kardashian, but you can’t deny that this chick is cute.  She has the most amazing lips.  I’m generally not a fan of tons of dark eye makeup, but she pulls it off quite nicely.


8.  Jody Lyn O’Keefe.  I’m half afraid of her due to her performance on Prison Break, but damn if she doesn’t look hot as hell holding a gun.  The combination of dark hair with her vivid blue eyes is quite striking.


7.  Kat Von D.  Her taste in men is terrible as of lately, but I imagine her exes always feel a twinge of regret when they see her looking sexy as hell on reruns of LA Ink or in ads for Sephora.  Plus, like I’ve said before, I’m a total sucker for tattoos.


6.  Michelle Rodriguez.  She can kick my ass and yours and look sexy as hell while she does it.  She looks like the kind of woman whose beauty is effortless; I’m fairly certain she looks perfect from the second she rolls out of bed.  Yes, I am jealous.


5.  Mary Louise Parker.  She’s got a killer body, long legs, beautiful eyes, warm smile, and quite the in-charge attitude on Weeds.  I would love to steal her wardrobe and her hairdresser, although I doubt I’d look half as fabulous as she does.


4.  Olivia Wilde.  I’m very let down that she chose to leave House, but it’s been nice seeing her on the big screen.  Even if the movie is terrible, she gives the audience something quite nice to look at.


3.  Whitney Mixter.  My favorite chick from The Real L Word on Showtime.  She’s confident and sexy and seems like she’d be a blast to hang out with.  I’m not the biggest fan of dreads, but from what the girls say on the show, her hair always smells fabulous.


2.  Noomi Rapace.  She’s as talented as she is beautiful; she stole every scene in the Millennium Trilogy and she was breathtaking in Sherlock Holmes 2.  She also seems very down to earth and almost unaware of how strikingly beautiful she really is.


1.  Emmy Rossum.  Absolutely gorgeous; you could get lost for days in her eyes.  Whether she’s fully made up for an event or wearing sweats with her hair in disarray on Shameless, she is amazingly hot.  I would kill for her legs.


Honorable Mentions:

Natalie Portman; she displays zero sense of humor when Ricky Gervais teased her at the Golden Globes, and that’s a turn off.

Mila Kunis; she’s hot, but every time she speaks, I picture Meg from Family Guy

Scarlett Johansson; going from Ryan Reynolds to Sean Penn?  Really?

Rosario Dawson;  She was adorable in Clerks 2 and seems very fun-loving and carefree

Emma Stone; would’ve listed her, but she tops enough lists as it is


Hot List Of Hottest Hotties! :-/ posted a list of their top 99 Most Desirable Women, which was shortened and discussed on  It was awful.  Sofia Vergara, the woman with the voice even feral cats despise, was their number 1 pick.  Emma Stone, who is absolutely gorgeous, funny, and charming, ranked lower than the personality-lacking and plain-Jane Rooney Mara.  I wasn’t able to view the entire list because I was at work, the site is blocked, and it’s generally just not a good idea for me to be looking at pictures of sexy women while I should be formatting memos or whatever it is I do here.  I sent the top 10 to my husband and asked him what his would be.  He replied by saying he should blog about it, which of course gave me the idea to attempt to do my own Top Ten Most Desirable Males.  Keep in mind, I am writing this solely based on my preference; I don’t give a damn how hot anyone thinks George Clooney, Ryan Gosling, or Robert Pattinson are, they will not be on my list ….

10.  Hugh Laurie.  I know the deep and gravelly voice he uses while playing House isn’t natural, but I adore it.  Women love musicians and Laurie has proved he is an accomplished one with his CD, Let Them Talk.  Plus, you can’t beat those beautiful blue eyes.


9.  Joshua Jackson.  I loved Pacey on Dawson’s Creek and I’m glad Jackson has found success in his career after that show.  He manages to hold on to the mischievous smile from his youth and still come across credible and mature in his role as Peter Bishop on Fringe.


8.  Jared Leto.  I had the most insane crush on him when he starred on My So-Called Life, and I hated Claire Danes for getting to kiss him.  He’s a brilliant actor and while I doubted that 30 Seconds To Mars would be any good when they were first formed, I was quite surprised that he has a great singing voice as well.  He’s not higher on this list because I met him shortly after he filmed Chapter 27 and was let down; I figured he’d be taller and I just don’t dig guyliner.


7.  Liam Neeson.  He could be dressed in sweats, reading the dictionary out loud, and there would be some woman who would swoon over it.  I like to think his ability to kick major amounts of ass extends off of the silver screen and into real life.


6.  Johnny Depp.  He is the only actor I can think of that becomes his role 100%.  I never watch one of his films and watch Depp, he steps out of his skin and completely into the character, something I wish more actors were capable of.


5.  Christian Bale.  Weird Batman voice aside, he makes a sexy Bruce Wayne.  I’m not quite sure why, but I’m fascinated by his cheekbones.  I think it makes his face look interesting and a bit rough, which is definitely preferable to me over any pretty boy out there.


4.  Dwayne The Rock Johnson.  He excelled as a wrestler and succeeded where many fail in crossing over from one medium to another; he has become a brilliant actor and continues to get more praise with every project.  He remains in high demand in the ring; he’ll be at Wrestlemania 2012 and I don’t think the fans could be more enthused.  He’s also pretty damn easy on the eyes.


3.  Robert Downey Jr.  Confidence is sexy and this man oozes it.  He’s battled substance abuse and all sorts of legal problems and came out of it looking as polished as ever.  His role as Tony Stark is what got him on my list; he’s perfect as Stark and his character’s humor and quick wit definitely add a lot to his appeal.


2.  Kiefer Sutherland.  Incredible actor; the man is Jack Bauer and you don’t get much better than that.  He was engaged to Julia Roberts back when the world still thought she was the hottest lady to roam the planet.  He also has a very sexy voice; getting him to do voice-over for their commercial is the only thing Bank Of America has ever done right.  Sutherland has yet to do something I don’t love.


1.  Michael C. Hall.  Considering my husband’s novella, Not Well, and the fact that Dexter Morgan made the list, maybe I’m attracted to violence?  Maybe it’s the guarded way he carries himself that makes the ladies want to figure out the mystery that lays beneath the mask?  Or maybe I’m overanalyzing and he’s just fun to look at.


Honorable Mentions:

Francois Arnaud from The Borgias; if he manages to look less rapey, he might actually be pretty nice looking.

Jared Padalecki from Supernatural; the frog I named after his character ended up murdering his frog brother, Dean.  I hold Padalecki partially responsible.

John Mayer; I was running short on room.

Wentworth Miller; they may be fake, but I do have quite the weakness for tattoos.

Find Me On Facebook

I was on MySpace back when you could only have 8 photos and a handful of top friends.  It took me a while to get into it, but it became a nice way to keep in touch with people from high school and see how people were doing.  The more room MySpace gave for photos and opportunities to meet the masses of members it accumulated, the more probability a person would fall into a pattern of using it to stroke their ego and get into trouble.  People became obsessed with getting multiple comments on photos, even posting captions like “Comment me and I’ll comment back!”  Single people and some in relationships gave into the temptation to flirt with people from afar, taking it as a compliment when random people would call them hot or sexy.  Some began using MySpace as a way to become famous, or at least feel like they were.  It lost its appeal for me shortly after I got married.

The new king of social networking is now Facebook, with an insane amount of members and activity.  I’ve been a member of Facebook three times; two of those times I took it seriously and tried to get into it, the third was just to view a contest and my account was deleted immediately afterward.  The two times I tried to get into Facebook were both a waste of time.  The first time I discovered how easy it was to locate people and for them to locate me; I had a barrage of people contacting me that I had either not spoken to in years or that I was never friends with, or sometimes both.  It was fun at first until I began getting contacted by people who had wronged me in the past for a variety of reasons and who were simply being a nuisance, so I deleted my account.  The second time was fun at first, but began to get frustrating when people from my past would express interest in talking only to immediately drop off the radar and remind me again why I don’t speak to them anymore.  There was also a great deal of drama that I simply don’t have time for, so I again deleted my account.  Sadly, from what I’ve read about Facebook, I have no doubt that one or all of my profiles are still floating around out there somewhere.

Social networking can be fun and it can be a great way for people to stay in touch.  So can my cell phone or email or going out to dinner with friends.  Currently the only networking site I use on a regular basis is Twitter, but I do have a Google+ profile that I check two or three times a week.  The nice thing about Twitter is that it’s a tiny bit of information at a time from only the people I choose to hear from, it’s easy to ignore if I’m not in the mood without offending anyone, and it’s much harder for people to strive for attention since there are no “Like” buttons or any option to comment on tweets other than replying or retweeting.  Google+ is quiet so far, but has the appeal of being secure and allows me to share things only with the circles of people I choose to, allowing me to be as open or private as I choose.  I’ve also had the pleasure of not experiencing unwanted contact from people on either site and enjoyed the ease of blocking the few people I choose not to hear from.

People tend to act shocked when I say I’m not on Facebook.  I used to be shocked that people expected me to be on there and acted as if I was committing a cardinal sin by not being a member.  I simply don’t see the point.  I’ve been out of high school for 12 years now and if I haven’t talked to you in those 12 years, why do I want to talk to you now?  Sure, it’s fun for a minute to laugh at the chick who used to make fun of me because she’s gained 100 pounds and lives in an awful apartment, but is my time really being well spent mocking people I haven’t dealt with in years?  I don’t need any validation from people so it’s pointless for me to care about how many people like my photos or comments.  The only thing I feel that I miss out on by not being on Facebook are the various contests that are Facebook only, places that ask you to like their page in order to enter a contest or to check their page for exclusive information.

Another reason for my anti-Facebook attitude is Mark Zuckerberg’s mouth.  He’s been quoted as calling users “dumb fucks” for submitting their information to him.  He’s also been quoted as saying that “blogging has taken off in a huge way and all these different services that have people sharing all this information. People have really gotten comfortable not only sharing more information and different kinds, but more openly and with more people.”  A Facebook employee has said that Zuckerberg doesn’t believe in privacy.  Recently, he’s tried to lay the blame elsewhere, saying other sites violate your privacy, but people attack Facebook because of its transparency.  Given that he insulted Google+ as trying to be its own little version of Facebook, I don’t put much stock into his comments, especially since I have never felt uncomfortable and exposed on any site except for Facebook.

Unfortunately, Facebook has also become a great place to go if you’re looking to step outside of your relationship for a while.  People take advantage of the ability to become who they truly want to be online and have the options of talking to as many people as they choose.  The fear of rejection is nearly extinct when you’re not face-to-face with someone and the temptations are great when you’re faced with your old crushes and boy/girlfriends.  I’ve read through a site dedicated to stories of cheaters who used Facebook to find new love; it’s gotten so bad that lawyers are using the site in divorce proceedings to showcase the unfaithfulness of a spouse.  It’s beyond simple to log in and seek out what you feel that you’re missing in your own relationship, much simpler than actually taking the time to talk to your loved one and fix the problems you have or just leave them prior to beginning your search for new love.  There’s also the danger of getting a little too carried away; what one person could see as harmless banter their spouse could see as blatant flirtation.

Facebook can’t be blamed for the choices people make, but the fact that so many people are carrying on this way makes it easy for me to turn away from the site.  My husband and I have obviously dated others prior to getting married and I suspect that the majority of them are floating around on Facebook somewhere.  It’s safe to assume that if we both were on the site, at least one of our exes would shoot us a message eventually or comment on a cute photo or any other seemingly innocent type of contact.  It could go nowhere but there’s also the chance that our ex could decide to cross a line and try to arrange a meeting or steer the conversation to a place it shouldn’t go.  If a couple isn’t strong enough, there’s a huge possibility that this new attention could result in reciprocation and eventually a broken relationship.  Before my husband and I got serious, there was a female that would leave lovey messages on his MySpace page and it bothered me immensely, so I can’t imagine how I’d feel if one of his ex-girlfriends decided to lay it on thick on his Facebook page.

I don’t fault anyone for being on Facebook, nor do I think any less of them for being a member.  I only want the shock of me NOT being on it to die out.  It doesn’t matter to me how popular it is or will be in the future, it’s simply not for me.  My husband is amazing, I love my small circle of friends and I enjoy the people I interact with on Twitter and that alone is enough for me.  I don’t need you to click a button to “like” my photo in order for me to feel pretty, nor do I need you to comment below my status updates for me to feel like I said something important.  As of this very moment, the site’s statistics say there are 800 million people registered to the site and the average user has 130 friends.  Perhaps I’m the crazy one here, but I don’t need to be connected to 800 million people and I sure as hell wouldn’t know what to do with 130 friends.  I’m Facebook free and quite happy about it.

Girl Fight

My husband and I had a few errands to run on Saturday and we hit the road mid-afternoon after our son’s nap to get an early dinner in and get things out of the way so we could enjoy our evening.  We went to our new favorite Chinese restaurant, Teppanyaki Grill & Buffet, and then headed to Disc Replay, Best Buy, Halloween World, and Party City.  Not the most important errands in the world, but we promised our boy that we’d do a few things for him since he behaved in school all week.  On our first stop, my husband noticed a woman looking me up and down in the parking lot, glaring at me as if I killed her parents.  It happened multiple times during our stops from various females, my husband either pointed it out to me or I glanced up in time to catch an icy stare.

Let me clarify a few things:  I consider myself cute but in no way am deluded enough to think I’m supermodel material or drop-dead gorgeous.  I don’t dress like a stripper; on Saturday I was wearing jeans and a black tank top that covered everything it needed to, zero cleavage to be seen.  I wasn’t checking out the boyfriends/husbands of the women who I apparently angered; my husband noticed the woman with her husband giving me the look of death before I spotted either of them.  I wasn’t being loud or obnoxious or flashy.  I can’t think of a single solitary reason anyone should have reason to attempt to murder me with their eyes.

Women like that (most of you) give women like me a bad name.  Before you accuse me of sitting tall on my high horse, let me say that I have been that other kind of woman in my life.  I’ve given the pretty girl a hateful glare when she catches the eye of my boyfriend.  I’ve judged the chick in a miniskirt and tube top who is getting the attention of all the men around.  I’ve hated on the female friends of my significant others simply because they were female and they represented competition, real or imagined.  As I grew up and became more secure in myself, I realized how petty and foolish my behavior was and promptly knocked it off.  There’s always going to be someone around that makes me look like a troll in comparison and unless I feel like dropping a few grand on some surgeries, there’s nothing I can do about it.  My husband doesn’t have a wandering eye and I’m happy with the way I look, so there isn’t any reason for me to waste time being jealous or hating on other women.

Ladies, I don’t understand why this behavior continues after high school and college days are behind us.  It’s self-destructive and perpetuates the stereotype of females being catty and spiteful without reason.  What happened to me on Saturday was small, but still unnecessary and extremely silly.  What can the Party City cashier possibly gain from glaring at me like I was robbing the store?  Women talk about each other in a cruel manner when apart but plaster on a fake smile when together.  Groups laugh at the expense of an unfortunate female they spot in a crowd, mocking her hair or clothes or anything they manage to find wrong with her.  Men are judged as too good for the girl they are with.  It’s disgusting.

In no way do I suggest you become a saint and be nice to all people you encounter; while it would be nice, it’s unrealistic and a bit boring, plus it would put E!’s fashion police out of jobs.  What I am suggesting is to tone down the bitchy behavior.  Not every chick you see is out to get you in some way or carrying themselves in a certain manner with the intent of ticking you off.  You look like a total idiot when you give sideways glances at the gorgeous blond in the tight black dress simply because she looks hot.  Your boyfriend/husband is probably going to give her a glance because that’s what guys do.  It’s not her fault.  If he’s staring, slap him upside the head later, but otherwise just let it be.  Hell, try telling your man you think she looks great and see how he reacts.  I guarantee the reaction is preferable over what you’ll get by whispering to him that she’s a skank.

Being a girl is hard enough without adding petty bullshit to the pile of things we have to deal with.  We can’t be expected to be taken seriously by the opposite sex if we aren’t able to be in the same room with other females without causing drama.  Friendships of value will be hard to come by if you can’t quit mocking every other female who rubs you the wrong way; no one wants to hang around with the girl who always has a problem with someone else.  Let the negativity go before it consumes you and turns you into a bitter old lady who has no friends outside of her cats.  Nothing is sexier on a woman (or man) than confidence.  Don’t waste time envying what the other woman has when you can spend your days being damn proud of what you’ve got.

Fat No More!

As you can tell, the weekly updates I had planned didn’t happen. Please accept my apologies and this quick rundown of what’s been going on.

December 2010:
I began writing down each and every calorie on December 1st, as a result of not seeing weight loss results from the change in what I ate. I quickly discovered that while I was eating better, I was still eating too much. I dropped my calories down to 1200 – 1400 per day. As of December 1st, I clocked in at an embarassing 170 pounds. Gross.

Christmas in Ohio was nice; I fit into a pair of jeans that hadn’t fit since July, but there was still a ways to go.

Actual Christmas at my momma-in-law’s house was a challenge at first! She cooks for an army, but was nice enough to supply turkey bacon and egg substitute so the husband and I could keep our calorie counts down. I’m happy to say we made it through the day without succumbing to the tasty desserts!

January 2011: Happy New Year indeed! On January 12th, I weighed in at 151 pounds for a total of 19 pounds shaved off! We got gallons of alcohol for Christmas that is still mostly sitting in our kitchen; we’d rather not waste calories by getting drunk during the week. Keeping it raw didn’t work out for us, but we still kept it healthy. Lots of salads, veggies, hummus, whole wheat bread, and green tea!

February 2011: Weighed in at 144 pounds, total weight loss of 26 pounds! I’ve been getting some criticism at work (mainly from overweight people and from those who don’t have to work to keep weight off) because I don’t participate in pitch-ins or Chinese food orders. I try and just block them out.

Applebee’s has an amazing Weight Watchers menu, as well as an under 550 calorie menu, so we’ve been visiting quite a bit. Arby’s, Quiznos, Subway and Donatos also have great options. Diets don’t work for me, I have to be able to eat what I want!

March 2011: 
Weighed in at 139, total weight loss of 31 pounds and back into a size 5! My hubby and I have been spending the past 2 weeks getting rid of our fat clothes (Goodwill) and rebuilding our wardrobe. My hubby is down about 60 pounds, which is amazing. He looks great, sexier than ever 😉

I still have a little ways to go, but 31 pounds shed in about 3 months is fantastic. I’ve promised myself never to let myself get that unhealthy again. 170 pounds, are you kidding me??!?

My ultimate goal is to get to 130, but this is dependant on how I look as well. I’m not going to commit to a number if it’s going to result in me looking anorexic. We’ll just see how it goes….

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