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Snipped, Stuffed, Tucked, And Sucked

Sometimes I read something in the news that just makes me sad for the state of today’s society.  Sometimes it’s unspeakable acts of violence, sometimes it’s tragedy, and sometimes it’s just ridiculous, moronic garbage like chinplants.  Yes, chinplants, the new plastic surgery craze sweeping the nation!  For those of you who have had to suffer the embarrassment of seeing photos of yourself on Facebook with a dreaded double chin, there is finally a solution!  No more weak-jawed moments and no more lost confidence because chinplants will save your life!

I’ll be honest, it frightens me how easy it is to get virtually any surgery you desire in order to alter your appearance in a wide variety of different ways.  A woman unhappy with her breast size can receive a reduction and ease her back pain or receive implants, as large as she desires, so she can finally have the cleavage she always wanted and the attention she so desperately craves.  If you have not been blessed with a voluptuous rear end, a doctor can repair it for you and give you an ass to rival Jennifer Lopez.  They can change your entire face, can implant silicone into your abdomen to give you a 6-pack or into your legs to give you stunning calves, and suck the fat out of all your problem areas.  All that stands between you and perfection is the proper surgeon.

I’m not against plastic surgery in general by any means.  If I could get breast implants and increase one cup size and be guaranteed that I’d never have to replace them, would have little to no problems with them, and wouldn’t have scarring, I’d probably get it done.  I would love to have something done to get rid of the stretch marks I was gifted with after the birth of my son.  At one point in my life, I hated my nose and wanted to change the shape of it to better suit my face.  I also can’t stand the bags under my eyes.  That being said, I spent a lot of time growing up and even many of my adult years becoming confident in my appearance and being happy with myself.  My flaws are part of who I am and some of my complaints about my appearance throughout the year were trivial, were about things I’ve grown to love about myself, or were things I eventually grew out of.

There have definitely been times in my life where I see someone and think to myself, “I wish I had their _____.”  The problem arises when people go to a surgeon and think it’s like playing with a Mr. Potato Head; add these lips and this nose, put this chin here and add these breasts, reduce this down and plump this up.  We’re taking features of other people because we enjoy how they look on that person and assuming it will make us look amazing as well.  While it would be nice to announce that you desire Ms. Jolie’s lips and have them look perfect on you, the reality is that you’re going to end up looking like a fish in  the end, not Brad Pitt’s next wife as you had wished.

Plastic surgery creates plastic people.  There are the fortunate ones out there who end up with fantastic natural looking results, but there are also quite a few who get a bad surgeon, get an infection, or go overboard and get a few too many procedures.  Surgery is a serious thing and it’s being treated like a game because people are too lazy to work out or too insecure and childlike to be comfortable with the body and features they were born with.  It would be a challenge to find a single person out there who is honestly and truly 100% happy with their entire appearance.  There is always going to be some flaw, some imperfection, and it’s wrong to run to a surgeon every time you look in the mirror and aren’t perfectly happy with your reflection.

Obviously if you have some sort of deformity, plastic surgery is justified in order for you to live a happy life and not be ridiculed.  And sure, it’s not that big of a deal to increase your bust size a bit, especially if having children shrank your girls a bit.  But when you get into lip injections, chin and calf implants, lowering the ears, and liposuction, you’re gone too far.  If I want to lose weight, I’m going to have to eat right and exercise, not get the fat vacuumed out of me because I’m too lazy to do the work myself.  If I’m insecure because I think my lips are too thin or too fat, that’s just an internal battle I’ll have to overcome, not something to get a consult about and get repaired.  Plastic surgery is fine in small doses or in large for those who truly need it.  But for those of you who feel all sad and mopey about your “weak” chin?  Get the hell over it already.

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Eye Don’t Like It

My eyes suck.  I’m nearsighted; I can’t see anything further than 6 inches from my nose without my contacts or glasses.  I have year round allergies and almost always deal with itchy and red eyes from the various crap floating around in the air.  My eyes enjoy drying out during random times of the day.  I want to get Lasik, but my eyes are so sensitive that I’m pretty sure I’d run away as soon as they started messing around with my head.  I hate my eyes.

Saturday evening I began to notice a bit of redness in my left eye, which is normal.  I wrote it off as allergy related.  My son was also having the same issue in one of his eyes, so I was certain that was the cause.  On Sunday, it was much worse.  Monday morning I woke up nauseous and dizzy with a slight headache, but the redness wasn’t any worse, so I took a personal day off of work to get a bit of rest.  Tuesday morning, I woke up to this:

Sexy, right?  I send a picture in an email to my boss and let him know that I couldn’t make it to work.  I headed to Walgreens to get some drops to reduce redness and soothe irritation and they seemed to help a bit.  Jimmy Johns for dinner also helped.  I went to bed Tuesday night fairly confident that the problem was taken care of.  I’m also wrong a lot.  I woke up this morning in extreme pain and feeling very nauseous.  At this point, I suspected I had a scratch on my eye.

I called Walmart to get in to see the doctor; I hate Walmart but the eye doctor there is wonderful and she helped me out three years ago when I scratched my eye, coming from home during her off time to see me.  Here’s the conversation I had:

Me:  Hello, I was wondering if I could get in to see Dr. Price today.  I’m pretty sure I scratched my eye.  It’s very red and painful and it’s been like this for a few days now.

Vision Center Guy:  Well, Dr. Price is off today.  How do you know you scratched it?

Me:  I’m not sure that is what I did, but something is definitely wrong.  (described symptoms)

Vision Center Guy:  Hold on one minute (shuffles papers)  Okay, let me see here…. (he proceeds to read through a list of emergency situations that warrant calling Dr. Price on her day off)  I see nothing about a scratch here.  Oh yes, here we go, scratched cornea, redness, moderate to severe irritation.  That sounds like what you have.  But I don’t think she’d want to be bothered because this really doesn’t sound like that bad of an emergency.

Me:  …….. Well it feels like an emergency to me.  She’s seen me before during her off hours for an emergency, can you at least call and see what she says?

Vision Center Idiot:  No, I’m not going to bother her.  You should go to the ER or the Eye Surgeon of Indiana.  I don’t know their address though.  Or phone number.  But you should just do that.

I did take the useless moron’s advice and went to the Eye Surgeon’s office, where the doctor worked through her lunch break to see me.  Turns out I have iritis, an inflammation of the eye that causes eye pain and redness, headaches, motion sickness, and can permanently damage the eye.  She said it was good that I came in today but should have come sooner, as the risk of permanent damage is high.

I know I shouldn’t expect too much from Walmart, but I’m completely outraged at their level of incompetence and lack of care for their customers.  All the idiot had to do was call Dr. Price and get her opinion, since she is the doctor AND because my symptoms were on the checklist of reasons she should be called.  Instead, he decided to be a rude little prick and brush me off.  This is the second problem I’ve had with Walmart recently; their pharmacy screwed up my prescription and the woman told me it was just too bad, nothing she could do to fix it or help me.  I’ve since transferred to Walgreens.  I get that working at Wally World isn’t the most glamorous job on the planet, but when you’re working in the vision center for a doctor, you’re required to at least pretend to care about the people who need assistance.  It wasn’t as if I was calling to get an emergency eye exam because I wanted new contacts or I got an eyelash in my eye and wanted the doctor to help me remove it.  I had a serious problem requiring immediate attention and all I got was a conversation with a lazy prick that refused to do as he is directed and call the damn doctor to get her opinion on a medical emergency.  If anyone is going to tell me that the health of my eye isn’t important enough, let it be the doctor.

The problem with Walmart is that they are in zero danger of going out of business or losing money.  There’s one everywhere you look and they are always packed.  Not having to work for customers results in a decrease in the quality of customer service.  They can be rude to you because chances are, you’ll be back anyway.  If they lose one or two customers, it doesn’t matter because there’s hundred of thousands more out there to throw their hand earned money in their registers.  Leaving their pharmacy didn’t hurt them in the least, they lost a few dollars a month from me but are still gaining insane amounts from people content with dealing with their sometimes bad attitudes and occasional incompetence.  It’s a shit way to treat the people who keep you in business, but Walmart can afford to do it.  This is one of those unfortunate cases where one person can’t make a difference; nothing I do or say will change anything about how they operate.  Maybe one day things will change and their policies will demand that employees at least pretend to give a damn and take pride in their jobs.  I won’t be holding my breath for that one.

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